Day 2: Dublin Square Pub (167 US Rte 130, Bordentown, NJ 08585)
(and if you¹re in Virginia: Cheesecake Factory >> 21076 Dulles Town Circle, Sterling, VA 20166)
And now for your stats:
It¹s that time of year when your nose runs and your car doesn¹t, when you are supposed to be nice to people you don¹t like, including that a-hole brother or bi.tchy sister, when you gotta buy $hit for people to save this economy from Great Depression Part II and you know, with the exception of Godfather and Godfather II, the sequel is never as good as the original. Luckily, there¹s a place you can go where everybody knows your name, and I think you know the rest of that jingle. Yes, it¹s time for the 12th or 13th Annual Twelve Drinking Days of Christmas (TDDoC). This thing started out as a few guys who wanted an excuse to procrastinate/avoid X-mas shopping. It has gotten so large that even Google has no choice but to acknowledge its prominence. Yes, you can go to google and type ³TDDoC² and some of our stuff comes up. And with the recent developments of women¹s sufferage (not a typo, our wives generally despise the TDDoC), we had no choice but to permit the participation of the fairer sex. So let¹s recap a bit of the doings and goings on from last night (Day 1).
I can¹t speak for the rest of you, nor do I care to, but I arrived in Trenton by train from the DC area to find my chauffeur (g-man) elegantly decked out in a dark suit, peach-colored shirt, and very smart tie. And by very smart, I mean that tie could¹ve kicked tamp¹s a$$ in a round of jeopardy. After the exchange of pleasantries and assorted small talk regarding our respective business empires, I tell my chauffeur to step on it, and head over to the lovely Firkin Tavern, speeding tickets and whatnot be dammed.
We arrive at the Firkin to find tamp, Cole Iron Man from last year Brett, and John (I think his name was John) at the bar. Usually at this time, tamp breaks out his best Pink impersonation (I¹m Coming Out So You Better Get this Party Started), but thankfully, he seems to have misplaced his tight hot pants and sequined tube top, so we¹re having none of that tonight.
The gang trickles in and the crowd grows from a few to about 20-30, but since my specialty is single-digit numbers, I will defer to those who studied higher mathematics to provide the total count. The list is below and you will notice a number next to each name that would be a point. For those of you might be new to this, you get one for each night you come out.
And if you collect all 12, you receive accolades and awards beyond your wildest imagination. And there¹s the coveted
seen-only-one-time-but-since-there-was-drinking-involved-so-I-can¹t-be-sure Purple Moose, which is awarded to the Rookie of the Year.
Back to last night there were many old faces and many new ones. Fan Favorite BIG LOU came out all the way from Conshohocken to tell us how lame we are. Katherine took time off the Motor Cross Circuit to hoist a pint or two (or maybe it was three or four). We got an update on T-Rex short-arm theory from Yo. We learned that Chuck D is quitting engineering to play acoustic guitar on Marilyn Manson¹s next tour good for you, Chuck, not to let that restraining order stop you from pursuing your dream. And we uncovered Pods, Bobo, Mosso, and E-man¹s super-secret plans to fuse barbershop quartet and rap I would¹ve expected nothing from those geniuses.
And we may have even managed to glimpse the future of the TDDoC. Ever observant of our surroundings, CPL spies 3 young women sitting in a booth and passes the Recon Report up the chain of command. But since no one is in
charge, we attempt to draw straws to see who should venture out from the comfortable confines of our crew and make contact with the lovelies to determine if they are friend or foe. Surely next time we¹ll get Moe, Larry, or Curly to help us execute this plan, because all the straws are the same size. Alas, one brave soldier takes it upon himself to go on this
potentially deadly mission and he embarks with just enough supplies to get to the booth that is 10 feet away. Using his charm and charisma, and relying on the moral support of the rest of the crew who is hoping to see him crash and burn (I saw all you effers laughing and mocking me let me just say he who mocks last, mocks best, and may you all blow a tranny and I don¹t mean like Pods would). But crashing and burning were not to happen tonight on this well-executed frontal assault. I noticed that Bobo and Pods were engaged in rear guard action, but that was because CPL was behind them.
After the somewhat awkward introductions, I regale the young lasses Heather, Heather, and Christine - with tales of daring and adventure. Enthralled, enraptured, and enthused they beg for more, but there is no time. I obtain their e-mail addresses with the promise that they will not end up on distribution for penis enlargement products like I need that stuff anymore. All mission objectives achieved, I head back to base for some R&R and to get ready for the long train ride home. CPL graciously offers to take me to the train station in his new Volvo, and ever concerned about the well-being of his passenger, he lets out a nasty, stinky fart so I won¹t have to inhale the new car smell. I¹m not sure if ever thanked him
properly for that gesture. I get on the train and develop a headache accompanied by nausea God, I love this time year and can¹t wait to do it again. Got lost on the car ride home from the DC train station and finally climbed into bed a little after 2 AM. What a country.
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Some Stats helpers from Bobo
- Noticeably absent
Ska
BB
Mertz
Dorian
Donna
Lisa E
MD
BPW (Billionaire Pat Wirth)
Kaden
Chorba
El Chorba
Glenn Burtnick
Edwinington Kimmelsmithington (that monstrous pr.ick)
Hoo
- CPL with amazing staying power to 11:15 PM
- CPL playing sawdust bowling like watching an old man play bocce
- CPL obsessing over large rack of Salvaggio chick
- Newtown kids only ones left I think when CPL and I bolted
- Loved the cracked toilet tank in the men's room despite the barn stench
- Nova beats the Hawk (the hawk is dead)
- Got lost in Pa on my way home for awhile in taking evasive action backroads
- No throw up
- Mosso where are my stat sheets you stole?
________________________________
Some Stats from Scugi
bobo and grilled cheese
Chaty, wife and guest, Chaty's married?
Oh I love tight sweaters (who doesn¹t?)
Yo was detailing his shoulder rehab when Christina asked "hows you hip"
Chuck and Yo reliving college days trashing frat house, they actually
knocked it down, just around the corner from Firkin
________________________
Stat insert:
New addition Alba from PPPL = only women in TDDoC history to whip out
backpocket Chapman toolkit, used for tuning 20ft pppl transformers that Hans
helped build & destroy, turning up the heat for all males who witnessed once
in a lifetime event. What a women indeed.
Cute new addition Christine from booth, coming over to do a late harass on
Pods & me, find out she's fellow TCNJ grad, very unhappily unemployed
bar-server from Champs Medford due to wild girly fight with big lady boss
for promo to bartender, flexs her muscles, almost breaks my hand with
handshake, reveals she's an ex-hooker, with hooker so defined as TCNJ lady
rugby position, hence resulting in quick reply of "that makes you an
unemployed hooker", hence resulting in hard fistblow to newly operated
shoulder. Ah, what a woman.
-Yo
__________________________
TDDoC photos (click it)
Day 1 Points Totals
Pods - 1
CPL (Crack Pipe Larry) 1
Gman 1
Su 1
Tamps - 1
Mosso 1
Bobo - 1
Eman - 1
Goettle - 1
Scugi - 1
Cole Howard - 1
Randy - 1
German Michael - 1
Randy¹s Coworker from Jacksonville - 1
Laura - 1
Katherine - 1
Chaty - 1
Chaty¹s wife - 1
Chaty¹s friend - 1
Kimchick - 1
Becky - 1
BIG LOU - 1
Mark Pokryska ( x-S/A guy) - 1
Yo - 1
Chuck D - 1
Milot - 1
Dmile - 1
Alba - 1
Felicia 1
Dave (Felicia¹s husband) 1
Eric T 1
Sharon A - 1
Sharon H 1
Jason 1
Buttercup (PB for Princess Bride) 1
John W 1
Brett S 1
Will T 1
Christine S (C-Sel) 1
Heather S 1
Heather C- 1
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