Welcome to Day 8 (Lord, I hate you people):
First and Ten Sports Pub
1961 Hamilton Avenue
Trenton, NJ 08619
609/ 587-1028
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Day 7 Stats:
A text comes in at 5:15 from Reese. It contains a picture. It is a picture of an empty bar… an empty bar with all bar stools pushed perfectly in to the bar. It is a picture that looks like it was taken at a bar at 4AM after clean up is done. But it is not 4AM… it is 5:15PM. Panic sets in -- the world seems to be collapsing around Reese. The mall is spinning and she stumbles down the hall to Seasons 52.
Or is it Area 51? She orders a drink and 9 appetizers -- then suddenly, all is right.
Meanwhile, back at Big Fish, it is now 5:25 and the bar is completely packed. It’s like people are camping out outside for tickets to an event, and they open the doors and the place goes from empty to full in about one minute. Eman is the first official attendee, but there will be no WHHYYYY??? call. The question will be WHY is that bartender that is not Danielle approaching me with intent to take my order? Danielle quick gives her a stern “get your dirty hands off my customer, whatever his name is” glare and the other bartender meekly retreats.
People start rolling in and ordering off the cheap happy hour menu. E-man goes for the tradish-yet-now-upscaled white pizza, which used to be on more traditional dough but is now on flat bread. Obviously this is the reason for its price increase from $2 to $3. G-man opts to live large and go for the $6 Surf and Turf. $6??? How can this be? How can such a glamorous meal that is fit for a king be so cost effective? Stay tuned.
Polo pops in on her way home to Hackensack. Yes, Hackensack. It is true, she has changed jobs and now runs a tailgate at the Giants Stadium parking lot. OK, that’s not true. But she does now work in the marketing department for the Football Giants, and tasked with explaining to the loyal fan base how a team can $uck so badly. Clearly she is on the verge of quitting this miserable job.
OK, that’s not it either. She still works for ETS, and I am thankful for that, as my previous kindness to her clearly paid off in Trent’s excellent SAT scores. She is very happy to see everyone, but when she finds out that her favorite, Crack Pipe Larry, is not there she storms off vowing never to return.
The food starts to show up. There is E-man’s white pizza, coated in artery-clogging grease just the way he likes it. There’s that fancy piece of chocolate with a strawberry on top that somebody ordered. Wait, who ordered dessert? What is this?? Oh god no, it’s G-man’s surf and turf. The turf is a piece of meat the diameter of a poker chip and the surf is a small shrimp. The G-man screams out, "Hallelujah!" and digs in to this meal which is for a king.
This was a night of family shifts, the new concept created earlier in the season by the Cruz-Wood clan, where a family works together to cover the entire night in shifts. Yvette shows up with her parents and Ryan, and enjoys a nice dinner while leaving the baton on the bar for Goettle. Andy takes the early shift in the Milot family, and then DMile shows up hours later. The E-mans choose to work on depleting much of the world’s remaining oil supply by all driving separately.
A text comes in from Tamps. It says “I’m”.
We had some more TDDoC rookies. Kim brings out her daughter Brittany, who is clearly (and rightfully so) horrified at hanging out with this group of dinosaurs. Colleen brings out her friend Jeff. Lisa E-man bumps into friend Marlene, who then stops in at Big Fish carrying a larger wicker box with some mystery item(s) inside. We are getting closer to 500 all-time unique TDDoC attendees.
Art rolls in sporting his Rutgers sweatshirt, clearly prepared for the Clorox Dirty Dishwater Bowl where Rutgers will be playing this joyous bowl season. Sandor makes an appearance after missing the previous night because he was grounded; something relating to the French stats incident. Regina makes it back for the second day in a row after missing all of the first 17 years. New hot streak! CPL falls further down the list of SES TDDoC attendees. In CPL’s defense, Big Fish is 100 yards out of his way on the way home, and he did need to get home and watch his children and feed the dog. Wait, his children are 17 and over, and he doesn’t have a dog. Maybe, he needs to mow the lawn? There must be some good reason.**
Towards the end of the night, I get to witness one of the rarest occurrences in all of nature. It’s the “what happens late night at Big Fish and only Goettle and Ska are left” ritual. They were awkwardly arranged on opposite sides of the bar, yet you could see the gleam in Goettle’s eyes as he finished off his share of the Cedar Shelf Salmon (whatever that is), then gently slid the remainder (ala Lady and the Tramp) over to Ska with a wink. It was lucky I was hiding a distance away and watching with binoculars, as it is believed by scientists that this behavior is generally not exhibited when they are in the presence of other members of the species. At this point I needed to leave, so I called in the National Geographic team and hope to see the full event on TV early in the new year.
**Editor's note: There isn't.
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