Thursday, December 19, 2013

TDDoC 2013: Day 7 Stats by Goettle

Day 8 location: Larry's Euro Bar (more affectionately, The LEB)

965 New York Avenue Trenton, NJ 08638 609/ 695-9590


Day 7 Stats:

Made it through another Day Seven. At Dacey's. In Morrisville. Dacey's is what every neighborhood bar should be. Friendly, warm, relaxing. Filled with good cheer and good beer.

We had a rather large crew for a Tuesday evening – it seems like it was Famly Day at the TDDoC. Not in any particular order, there were Sophia and her sister Teresa; G-man with Su, Julian (who has recovered very nicely from his bump on the noggin), and Andrew; the E-mans - E–man, Lisa E-man, and Trent; Dave and El Chorba and daughter; Mertz and Corey Mertz; Helen, Pods, Yo, Reese, Scugi, Tamp, Benny, Felicia, Rebecca, Erin, Ed, Art, Ska, and Goettle.

I'm not sure I've ever seen so much food at a non-X-mas Eve TDDoC gathering. You couldn't swing a dead chicken wing in there without hitting some ranch dressing. Wings, pasta, sandwiches, burgers, sliders… you name it, they had it, and we ate it. It was fun watching Pods and G-man do their eating tricks. Pods could fit an entire unplucked, raw chicken wing into his mouth and voila… he pulled out a fluffy white rabbit with at least two limbs intact. And no magic words were required. And G-man… he would stand near a basket of hot wings and then (imagine the sound of drum roll) begin to glow, beads of sweat glistening in the soft warm light. Ah yes, a sight to behold – mere words cannot begin to paint the picture.

And finally we almost got to play that game that is sweeping through the nation - "Who's your favorite Kardashian?" Unfortunately, we are not exactly the trendy twerky hep-cats we used to be. And not all of us knew how to play. Pods' favorite was the 1972 Datsun Kardashian, with bucket seats and a Hemi – I guess we'll have to be more explicit next time – the point of the game is name your favorite useless Kardashian.



Still, this edition of the TDDoC has been missing at least a few of the more prominent members. We're talking about Big Lou and CPL (Crack Pipe Larry). The season is just not the same without Big Lou's rants about how lame we are and how every place we go, everything we do is just plain LAME.

Sure, we are still in his thoughts as evidenced by a recent a Big Lou Facebook post: "I hear from a good friend that one of those twelve drinking day losers insulted me in their daily email . I don't read that bore blog and don't get the email. It does explain why I don't go to that borefest anymore. AMF!"

In Big Lou's eyes we’ve been demoted from LAME to BOREFEST – if only he’d come out to see for himself – we are still as lame as ever. At least he ended his post with “Arrivaderci Mother Friend (AMF)”. I guess we’ll have to solace in his kind and respectful sign-off.

CPL – what to say? It's not like some of the evenings have not been customized to suit his commuting needs. Yes, perhaps driving more than 35 yards off of Rte 1 to attend Big Fish or the Cheesecake Factory is a bit much to ask of a man of such importance. Or picking a PA place that is $hitting distance from his place of residence is also insufficient to satisfy his needs. You are probably wondering how we know CPL's "$hitting distance." There are many stories … Pull up a toilet (preferably a comfortable one) and prepare to be regaled. It all started when CPL was a young boy. Many of us have long since passed the "diaper phase" of our development, but CPL has always been fascinated by what can be deposited into diapers. As the years passed, he has accumulated more knowledge of this activity. In fact, CPL, never one to brag, has become a world-renowned expert in human excretions from below the waist and above the thigh. What he knows about these things can fill all the toilets in the greater tri-state area. In fact, I'm sure he is conducting another of his experiments while you are reading this. The man is prolific. In fact, many of you are still wondering how Pods was able to pull a rabbit out of his gullet. Pods himself is clueless. But somewhere in a bathroom stall in a pathetic Central New Jersey establishment, CPL is smiling, for in his latest experiment, he has pushed the boundaries of quantum entanglement to greater heights. Yes, the remnants of that chicken wing that Pods ate last night have just been flushed.

And you thought Christmas had no more miracles to offer.

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