Day 6 location: Princeton pub crawl. Starting location: Winberries (or Winterberries as Pods knows it), 1 Palmer Square, Princeton, NJ. See “tonight’s plan” below
From user review on internet: “I really enjoyed the Princeton athletic attire around the restaurant”
I’d encourage you to bring out your own athletic attire if you wish.
Come out for an Old Skool Schoolin’ by the West Coast alumni….or call them out for being the punks that they are!
Day 5: Isaac Newton's Ye Olde Olde Town Pub and Supper Club, Newtown PA
OK, that might not be the official name....but it sure felt like something like that when you were inside the place. From having the regulars turn and shout out your name when you enter the door, to the maitre de giving you a warm handshake and saying "Pleased to have you here tonight, sir", to the melodious sounds of Christmas Carols being sung by a chorus of angels, it's quite a homey place. Oh wait, I think that's what happens at the Nottingham Tavern. What actually happened was the maitre de saying "We can't give you a table until you have more people!!! And it's smoking in there you know!!!!, and then kicking you in both shins.
But I get ahead of myself. The phone rings at 4:25. It's Tom Szwech, a TDDoC newcomer. I answer and he says "I wanted to give you a WHHYYYYYYY??? call, but I'm late leaving work." No points for you!! Rookie mistake! To get WHHHYYY?? credit, there are 2 very basic requirements.....you must actually say "WHHHHYYYYY???" and then of course it would be generally good if you were actually at a bar drinking. He tries again at 4:50. This time he's actually at the bar drinking, but forgets to say "WHHHHYYYYY???". Clearly, Szwech cut out of the TDDOC training class early and went drinking. Not that that’s a bad thing.
The blizzard!! As Big Lou had predicted earlier in the day, the extensive pre-planning of all TDDOC locations came to a crashing disaster as the entire area was blanketed in 3 feet of ice making travel completely impossible. Only Newtown residents living less than a block from the bar were able to make it out. This was a blessing in disguise for many of South Jersey's adult entertainment hotspots, as their revenue was up 10% due to Big Lou not being distracted by non-adult entertainment spots.
More of the Charming Shoppes crowd shows up. Clearly, no one there sat through the entire TDDOC training class because they keep asking who will be writing the stats tonight, but they're not calling them "the stats". Every time they refer to the "stats", it's by a different name, "the notes", "the minutes". Hey, this isn't a project status meeting you know. My favorite though was "the chronicles". Say it, it feels good. the chronicles". But don't just say it normally....push out your stomach...tighten your chest muscles....hold your nose....open your mouth just slightly, and say "…..And now…....I present to youuuuu…....the daiiiiiily chrooonicles". It feels good, doesn't it? It works best if someone toots out a few notes on a bugle right before you say it. If anyone owns a bugle, please bring it out tonight. I have attached today’s Chronicles to this message.
Nicknames!! People want nicknames. Brooke shows up and immediately demands to be called Crack Pipe Brooke. The one thing she doesn't understand though is that to get the Crack Pipe moniker, you actually have to stay at home and NOT come out. (Editor's note: Crack Pipe Larry was NOT at home, he was enjoying the Yardley Theatre version of the Riverdance whilst enjoying tea and crullers and a rousing game of cribbage at the interlude.) So we brainstorm nicknames.....Brooklyn.....Queen Brookie B-Rook.....Nickname-Needing Girl.....none seemed to fit just right. We were closing in on one, and then....from out of nowhere.....a teddy bear which had been mounted high on the wall as a decoration leaped to its death, breaking its back as it landed on Brooke's head. For a moment Brooke had stars circling her head just like in a Bugs Bunny cartoon, but when she came to, she realized that she owed it to the bear to give it a proper burial and stuffed it in her purse. Right in the middle of all of this, someone hands Suzanne a Hop Wallop and she screams "I love hops!", and instantly gains the nickname Hop Girl. Nikki wanted a nickname too, but we didn't get that far. I urged both Nikki and Brooke to lick something inappropriately, but apparently they've heard that line before. All I can say is that on the way home I heard the Foo Fighters' "Darling Nikki", and I can assume that the nickname "Darling" is not what Nikki had in mind. (Editor’s note: Brooke’s last name is Karwowski. She’s NEVER been called “Wowski” before?)
There’s a woman walking around with beer samples. That rocks. There should always be a woman walking around with beer samples, whether you are at a bar, a party, the mall, at work, or even at a toll booth. We just need more of that. Later, the woman is sitting at the bar and being picked up by one of our attendees, but I can’t remember who.
Goettle arrives, fresh from another pre-party at the Nottingham Tavern. He's clearly intoxicated from all of the shots that the "virgin engineer" once again bought him. He also complains of a strange pain in his hindquarters, but doesn't know what it's from.
Milot shows......Andy has quietly moved into second place on the point total. Look out Ska, he's gunning for you. Laura shows, and the bartender immediately removes all glassware from the bar area around her. Apparently quite a few people are reading these stats.
The PA locals show….Billy Bob, Pods, Chorbas….and amazingly enough, none of them are playing banjos or are carrying muskets!! Could this rumor of Appalachia starting directly west of the Delaware river be a bit off? Bobo and Donna were apparently unavailable. Something about having to fix the still.
Tamps shows up, and as promised, he brings all of the hot women that work at Lockheed Newtown with him. Wait, I think he was alone. I'm not sure. Please ask Tamps about this next time you see him.
Later on Chuck DePalma shows. I believe Chuck works at Lockheed Newtown. I like Chuck, and nothing against him, but if this is Tamps’ idea of hot chicks, someone needs to have a word with him.
Scugi texts in. At least I think it's Scugi because remember my phone can only receive texts and not reply to them OR identify who they're from. That's because it was made in 1999, and back then, not only did you not need to know who they're from, you didn't even care! Now, I still don't care. Go ahead, text me....I don't care. Oh, but Scugi. Seems as though he's stuck in Canada and his flight was cancelled, so he's going to fly to LaGuardia, rent a car, and road trip to the TDDOC. Heroic I tell you. Or maybe it wasn't Scugi texting me at all. Maybe it was just some weirdo. Maybe Scugi is a weirdo. Please ask Scugi about this next time you see him.
At one point I'm in the men's room, and my cell rings. Fortunately in 1999, they recognized the need to receive phone calls, so I can answer. A woman's voice says "What are you doing?". I told her I was in the bathroom. She asked me if I was touching myself. I said "No", assuming that wiping my hands on a paper towel did not qualify. She then said "I want you to touch yourself" and then I heard heavy breathing. I said "Goettle, knock it off". Then she said, "it's not Goettle" but I still didn't believe her. The conversation continues as I walk up the stairs. I stop near the top because it's quieter here. People walk by going up and down the stairs. I have to keep assuring the voice by saying "I'm not touching myself", and every time I say that phrase, cute 20-year old girls are walking by. Finally, I tell her that Eman does not know who she is. She says "Eman? I thought this was Tamps!" and the phone goes dead. Could it have been a hot Lockheed chick? Perhaps we can find out tonight.
Tonight's plan: Some sort of pub crawl in Princeton. Try the starting location, and if we're not there, call someone to find out where we are or just go out into the street and yell "WHHHYYYY??". Chances are someone will look at you and say "TDDOC? They're at the _______ bar right now". Hey, it's kinda worked before. I’ll (gulp) give you my cell phone number in case you need it…609-306-2885. Texting might not be your best option.
Attendees:
Szwech
Jim
El Chorba
Chorba
Lil' Chorb
Milot
Laura
Eman
Tamps
Ska
BB
Pods
Gman
Su
Julian
Lisa Eman
Trent
Brooke
Dan
Hop Girl Suzanne
Nikki
Ken
Chuck DePalma
Goettle
Points total:
Eman 5
Ska 5
Gman 5
Su 5
Goettle 5
Tamps 5
Milot 4
Bobo 3
Donna 3
BB 3
Pods 3
Julian 3
Big Lou 3
Chaty 3
Lisa Eman 3
Trent 3
Laura 2
Jeff 2
Billionaire Pat Worth 2
Millionaire Brandy 2
DMile 2
Tmac 1
Yvette 1
Scugi 1
Mrs. Scugi 1
CPL 1
Uvegas 1
Nancy HP 1
Mindy 1
Dino 1
Caitlyn 1
Mini G 1
Randy 1
Big Al 1
Neufeld 1
Lauren 1
Anna 1
Beth 1
Yvette(non Goettle) 1
Dorian 1
Melanie 123 1
Jennifer 1
Cairo 1
Cairo's cousin Joe 1
Tony Sal 1
Steve (Chaty's Friend) 1
Rose 1
Yo 1
Alli 1
Kentucky Iris 1
Mertz 1
CSI Stu 1
Cory G aka C-note 1
Szwech 1
Jim 1
El Chorba 1
Chorba 1
Lil' Chorb 1
Brooke 1
Dan 1
Hop Girl Suzanne 1
Nikki 1
Ken 1
Chuck DePalma 1
No comments:
Post a Comment