Day 11 at Havana's

Day 12:  Wildflowers at 2572 Pennington Rd(Rte 31) in Pennington, NJ, 08534– But chances are if you need this info to make it out this morning, you’re going to be screwed because these stats are late.  You can blame it on me, but I blame it on my sister’s husband – the b@st@rd had me up ‘til 3:45 AM this morning drinking and practicing karaoke, while most of you were tucked safely in bed.



Day 11 started out just like any other of these infernal days – with a bit of numbness, a small headache, and thoughts that maybe next year we ought to try the 16 Drinking Days of Christmas.


It’s more than a little disappointing that we are going to miss Conte’s on Day 12 this year.  It’s kinda like finding out Meccais closed during Rosh Hashanah or that your synagogue is closed for Easter.  Alas, we must endeavor to persevere.  We must make due.  We must come up with Plan B.  And so we have.


Day 11 for me began with an early dinner at Conte’s with Scugi, Maria, and Yvette.  No doubt, Scugi will soon be lobbying for Day 11 points, even though he did not make it to the appointed location, New Hope’s Havana’s, just across the river from Gitmo – rumor has it the waterboarders like to hold their X-mas party there.


I arrive at Havanaand forgot to bring my lawyers, guns, and money, but luckily there’s an ATM machine there that charges $1.00 for every $10.00 you take out.  But prior to the ATM visit, I spy E-man at the outside bar with Dorian and Donna.  Poor E-man.   He looks like he’s been drinking all month – hmmm, maybe he has.  Despite Donna and Dorian’s best efforts to amuse and entertain him – Donna had Dorian in a box and was sawing him half lengthwise (anyone can do it across the body) - the toothpicks propping E-man’s eyelids open kept breaking like in a Bugs Bunny cartoon.  Even our curvy, young, supple, blonde bar tenderess, parading topless behind the bar to and fro, could not penetrate his numb, blank stare.  Perhaps, E-man was up all night in anticipation of hearing his new nickname – “fresh meat” – non-stop in New Hope, because surely, by now, his karaoke photos from the Americanahad made the rounds in New Hope, Key West, and the Village.  Or was it the “WHHHYYYYYYY” call E-man received from Blair Marshall at 4:30 PM – Blair’s first night out (and it’s about friggin time). 

Whatever the reason, it’s more than a little interesting that G-man and Su scurried to the inside bar at Havana upon seeing Donna make that initial cut into Dorian, though Su was heard to say, “Gary, that looks like fun.  You should try it.  Oh, by the way, that Met Life thing is paid up, right?”  Gary’s reply was something along the lines of “Been there (last year), and done that – would prefer a different trick.”

Our Day 11 attendees were Dorian, Donna, Sharon, Blair, E-man, Ska, Tamps, Big Lou, Mertz, Art, Julie, Rose, Gman, Su, Goettle, and Yvette – gotta say it was a little disappointing for a Friday nite in New Hope.  I think that I’ll award Scugi a “provisional point” for this day and await his arguments on why it should be officially recognized for all time.  Aside from D & D, where were all the Pennsylvaniaregulars?  BB – out of town, the Swede – out of town, Pods – MIA?, Bobo – hanging with his neighborhood homeboys?, CPL – WTB marathon or date with his crack dealer, Chuck de Palma – out of town.

A few of us are smart to move inside to avoid the cover charge for the barely too loud band – but Dorian, Donna, and Sharon attempted to concoct some kind of scheme to get Havana to pay them for entry.  But we’re not so sure they thought this thru adequately, as we did not see them for the rest of the evening.  Maybe they visited Gitmo to taunt the prisoners.

The only conversation topic I can remember – the various styles of how women fight each other.  You’ve got the conventional hair-pulling and the more modern bare-knuckled punching, but then we learned about a bizarre weapon some women employ: the bizarre beehive hairdo.  Not sure if actual bees are what make this effective.  Still, no matter what the form fighting takes, it’s always best when it the participants are wearing bra and panties and a shallow pit of mud is involved.

And if I could remember anything else from Friday night, I’d share it with you.  Gotta get ready for the TDDoMLK – it’s just around the corner.


Points total:
Eman 11
Ska 11
Gman 11
Su 11
Goettle 11
Tamps 11
Big Lou 9  (not sure this isn’t supposed to be 10)
Milot 7
Julian 7
Chaty 7
Donna 7
Scugi 6 + 1 provisional point for Day 11
Lisa Eman 5
Trent5
Mosso 5
Laura 4
DMile 4
Billy Bob 4
Yo 4
Billionaire Pat Worth 4
Dorian 5
Mertz 4
Pods 3
Bobo 3
Randy 3 
CSI Stu 3
Big Al 3
Yvette 4
Mrs. Scugi 3 + 1 provisional point for Day 11
Conway 3
Felicia (Gman Family - GF) 3
Neufeld 3
Rose 2
Millionaire Brandy 2
Jeff 2
Bode 2 
CPL 2
Uvegas 2
Jana 2
Katherine 2
Big Al’s Pat 2
Liz 2
Tmac 1
Lallie 1
Nancy HP 1  
Mindy 1
Dino 1  
Caitlyn (Brandy daughter) 1
Mini G (Brandy son) 1 
Lauren 1
Anna 1
Beth 1
Yvette(non Goettle) 1
Melanie 123 1
Jennifer 1
Cairo1
Cairo's cousin Joe 1
Tony Sal 1
Steve (Chaty's Friend) 1
Alli 1
KentuckyIris 1
Cory G aka C-note 1
Szwech 1
Jim (Charming) 1
El Chorba 1
Chorba 1
Lil' Chorb 1
Brooke (Charming) 1
Dan (Charming)  1
Hop Girl Suzanne 1
Darling Niki (Charming) 1
Ken (Charming) 1
Chuck DePalma 1
EC Julie 2
Chris Allen 1
Cory Mertz 1
Sage 1
Julie (WC) 1 
Robinmandm 1
Sandor Metler 1
The Swede 1
Joe Willie 1
The Mechanic 1
Jean C 1
Don (Emans Friend - EF) 1
Lisa (EF) 1
Jenna (EF) 1
Keith (BigLousKid - BLK) 1
Rachel (BLK) 1
Randy (ChatysBitchAssFriend CBAF) 1
Kaden 1
Colleen 1
Dex 1
Melissa (polo friend) 1
Bernadette (polo friend) 1
Porsche Club Linda (Bright Eyes) 1
Liz Clancy 1
Danielle 1
Larry Not Crack Pipe 1
MD 1
Mel 1
Ben Mcmichael 1
Alexis the Santino barkeep 1
Blair Marshall 1
Sharon1 (made Club 10 in 2005)

Day 10: "OOHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Day 11 will be at Havana's.


Day 10, Santino’s Bar One, the newly annointed Robbinsville, NJ


 
Bar One?  What does that mean?  Maybe it means that this is the best bar in the world, Bar None, and the N fell off the sign.  OK, maybe not.  Perhaps it is owned by former co-worker Seth Baron, and he just added the E on the end to make the ziti seem more authentic.  Arumor exists that the Bar One phraseology is a play on words, with somebody’s name being Barone.  I think the Barone guy is Japanese or Ukranian.  OOHHHHHHHH!!
 
From Scugi:  Scugi has definitely replaced Sniffy as he has been first in 3 nights this year.  Santino's very quiet, he takes seat on far side of the bar with view of all plasma's, orders up a happy hour lite beer for $2 + 0.25 tax (huh, tax on beer) anyway two sips in and one of the worker bees comes over and tells me "you might want to move, we are expecting a party of 35 people" Scugi replies, "I've got 35 coming too" he says maybe it's you and walks away, then comes back and says are you Goldberg, he says no, we are Day 10 of the TDDoC, he looks confused and leaves.  Scugi finishes his beer and moves to the second (and now primary) location of the night, hence the field of view to any TV is non existent.  
 
From Eman:  Moral of the story:  If anyone asks you if you are Goldberg, say “Why, Yes, I’m Goldberg”.
 
The delightful residents of RobbinsvilleNJhad just successfully months earlier voted to change the name from the uniquely distinct WashingtonTownshipto Robbinsville.  Now this wasn’t a run-of-the-mill George Washington memorial.  Nope.  The township was actually named after Leon Washington, the star third-string running back of the New Yorkfootball Jets.  Apparently, though, the township, which was once a Jets fan stronghold, has been overrun by yuppie residents who are fanatic about world-champion fencer Tanner Robbinsville.  Robbinsville residents Ska and Mosso beamed proudly at the bar, strutting around like a couple of barnyard roosters, telling all attractive young women, “I’m from Robbinsville”.  As a matter of fact, at one point, Ska was seen by the large window with Chaty, clearly giving him visual arm-waving directions in the direction of his house.  A little lip-reading revealed that Ska was mentioning his big soft warm couch, 57-inch TV, impressive collection of Beer of the Month (BOTM) club entrees from 2001, and his newly-installed toilet in the foyer.  No, not near the foyer, but actually IN the foyer.  Chaty was clearly very aroused but elected to wait for a better offer.
 
From Scugi: Donna and Dorian show, Dorian orders $2 beer, Donna gets shot of Cabo Wabo and a mixed drink, Dorian gets $4 back from a Twenty.  A few minutes go by and she hands him a Ten and he says "not even close".
 
Big Al reports that the lobster corn dogs on the menu are not all that good.  Imagine that.  I don’t even know what that means.  Do you cut open a hot dog, stuff it with lobster, and then jam that whole thing into a hollowed out corn cob and then fry it and put it on a stick?  Then I thought to myself, maybe I could figure out this difficult dilemma by utilizing that newfangled internet thing.  Well, if you’re in your kitchen right now, check this out:  http://fooddownunder.com/cgi-bin/recipe.cgi?r=152344  Please cook one up and let me know.  I’ll be over at lunch.  Anyway, my theory is that Joey Santino forgot to add the ol’ tamarind ketchup to complete the dish.
 
After I had been there for awhile, I discovered that apparently I was the only one that Scugi had not “shown the meat” to.  “Showing the meat” apparently involved Scugi taking you on a tour into the back room for a special viewing experience.  Well, let me just tell you, after the scandalous Goettle affair from Tuesday night, and with Scugi and Goettle both sharing the same first name, Peter, one that has at some points in the past been used as a term for certain meat-like objects, I was not going to participate.  If anyone was “shown the meat” inappropriately, please report all concerns here: http://tddoc.blogspot.com/  or contact your local authorities as appropriate.  Or write stats.
 
Billionaire Pat Worth had clearly never been to Santino’s before.  It’s been called by some a bit pricy.  OK, It’s flippin’ expensive.  He opened up a tab and freely encouraged his TDDOC friends to let him buy them one.  A clearly noble move in the true holiday spirit of giving.  We hope to see Millionaire Pat Worth out again tonight.
 
At some point, the door opened, and a big gust of wind rushed in, carrying leaves with it.  Then there was a large puff of smoke and bright lights through the haze.….three silhouettes appeared.  Music blared…..heads turned…..could it be……Britney Spears?  No, even better!  It was the 2007 inaugural appearance by MD, Melanie, and Larry Not Crack Pipe.  No, I didn’t say Crack Pipe Larry.  I said Larry Not Crack Pipe.  This Larry is everything that Crack Pipe Larry is not.  He likes to go out with his friends, hates Tony Danza with a passion, does not even own a vacuum cleaner, and I’ve got to believe that given the opportunity to write stats, would do them in a timely manner.  Just when you were starting to get worried that 2007’s pictures would not include the obligatory 429 pictures of Gman and MD pressing cheeks with hearts dancing above their heads, MD rides in to save the day.  Unfortunately, Goettle was unprepared and had to run to the local CircuitCityto pick up 12 additional memory cards.  By the way, if you’re ever near Goettle’s house, stop by.  Check out the wallpaper in his basement.  It’s a repeating pattern of MD/GMan love head pictures.  The lighting is low and there’s a peculiar odor.  It’s quite the sight to see.  No need to bring tissues if you have a cold…..there are plenty in the room.
 
Melanie quickly adopts a strong fondness for one of the employees, a fine young boy toy with six pack abs and a very positive attitude about life.  She vows to make close friends with him, but doesn’t have time tonight and vows to return soon to do so.  OK, this is a total lie….she hated him and vowed to start a fight with him.  I did remind her that the TDDoC guidelines do highly encourage “mean-spirited fisticuffs”.  Cooler heads prevailed and she decided to spank MD as an alternate.
 
Please check the local Robbinsville police blotter this morning to see if Big Al’s plan to “borrow” some martini glasses from Santino’s worked out OK.  Scugi picked up a business card from a local laywer named "Seth" if anyone needs some legal help.  No word if Seth saw the meat.
 
Rookie of the Year update:  Competition is wide open right now…..still waiting for someone to grab the bull by the horns.  I think Felicia might be in the driver’s seat right now.
 
Day 10 attendees:
big al
big al pat
big lou
scugi
maria scugi
su
julian
gman
larry not crack pipe
md
mel
pat worth
chaty
ska
goettle
yvette
tamps
eman
felicia
mosso
conway
dorian
donna
ben mcmichael
alexis

Points total:
Eman 10
Ska 10
Gman 10
Su 10
Goettle 10
Tamps 10
Big Lou 8
Milot 7
Julian 7
Chaty 7
Donna 6
Scugi 6
Lisa Eman 5
Trent5
Mosso 5
Laura 4
DMile 4
Billy Bob 4
Yo 4
Billionaire Pat Worth 4
Dorian 4
Mertz 3
Pods 3
Bobo 3
Randy 3 
CSIStu 3
Big Al 3
Yvette 3
Mrs. Scugi 3
Conway3
Felicia (Gman Family - GF) 3
Neufeld 2
Rose 2
Millionaire Brandy 2
Jeff 2
Bode 2 
CPL 2
Uvegas 2
Jana 2
Katherine 2
Big Al’s Pat 2
Liz 2
Tmac 1
Lallie 1
Nancy HP 1  
Mindy 1
Dino 1  
Caitlyn (Brandy daughter) 1
Mini G (Brandy son) 1 
Lauren 1
Anna 1
Beth 1
Yvette(non Goettle) 1
Melanie 123 1
Jennifer 1
Cairo1
Cairo's cousin Joe 1
Tony Sal 1
Steve (Chaty's Friend) 1
Alli 1
KentuckyIris 1
Cory G aka C-note 1
Szwech 1
Jim (Charming) 1
El Chorba 1
Chorba 1
Lil' Chorb 1
Brooke (Charming) 1
Dan (Charming)  1
Hop Girl Suzanne 1
Darling Niki (Charming) 1
Ken (Charming) 1
Chuck DePalma 1
EC Julie 1
Chris Allen 1

Cory Mertz 1
Sage 1
Julie (WC) 1 
Robinmandm 1
Sandor Metler 1
The Swede 1
Joe Willie 1
The Mechanic 1
Jean C 1
Don (Emans Friend - EF) 1
Lisa (EF) 1
Jenna (EF) 1
Keith (BigLousKid - BLK) 1
Rachel (BLK) 1
Randy (ChatysBitchAssFriend CBAF) 1
Kaden 1
Colleen 1
Dex 1
Polo 1
Melissa (polo friend) 1
Bernadette (polo friend) 1
Porsche Club Linda (Bright Eyes) 1
Liz Clancy 1
Danielle 1
Larry Not Crack Pipe 1
MD 1
Mel 1
Ben Mcmichael 1
Alexis the Santino barkeep 1

Day 9 - Stats a.k.a. "CPL, where the heck are the day 12 stats from a few years ago?"

It was right around the time of reading the stats for Day 8 indicating that the location for Day 9 was the BF that one could feel the anticipation in the air………would this be the night that CPL narrows the gap between his 2007 appearances and those of the state of Californina???? CPL began receiving emails with the subject line “cpl appearance?”. Apathy was replaced with indifference, but being the son of an Italian mother, guilt quickly took hold and he made a promise to himself that tonight would indeed be the night that the point total would reach an all-time personal best of 2. That and he already and been given clearance the night before to attend, regardless of the location.

4:30 rolls around at Americom and Schutzie comes by CPL’s glass walled office and says…..”let’s go”. Applications were exited, laptops were forcibly brought into shutdown……………
They run to the mens’ room with a purpose……..

20+3 minutes later they arrive at the BF……circling the parking lot like vultures do with carrion….. CPL gets the first spot and races into the BF like man destined to make a “WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?” call only to find that Big Al and Big Al’s Pat were already there….no Why call required. Lot’s of hugs and a reintroduction by Big Al as to who Pat is……. During the introduction I thought I heard Al say that Pat was her husband. I wrote it off to the usual echoing din in the BF bar. Schutzie comes in, more hugs, we get some beers, we say hi to Danielle who is flying around the bar with effortless grace. Shortly thereafter Linda Neiderost (aka “Bright Eyes”) appears, invited by Schutzie from a vehicle enthusiast club discussion. BPWorth shows up and greets Big Al…..she (re?) introduces her Pat to BPW and he pauses and says…”he is your husband???” . Apparently Big Al is issuing subliminal messages to her Pat, unbenknownst to him…..There is clearly something happening here……I just can’t figure out what it is…… They move on and engage in a vigourous debate about the “reality” show “The Biggest Loser”… ‘nuff said.

Shutzie spies Polo across the bar and abandons us in favor of her and her two friends…....

Stop IT!, I mean ACTUAL friends….Melissa & Bernadette. No Nicknames for them at this point.

Yo shows, and races to the men’s room……then comes back and orders a beer and two plates of food. This cycle continues for the duration of the evening.

Eventually we all wind up by Polo and her two friends. I think by this time Katherine has appeared, Tamps, Chaty……Eman, Su & Julian (actually they stopped by our side for a minute prior to entering a booth to eat dinner with Liz Clancy. I see Big Lou, D&D(Donna & Dorian), Goettle, LisaEman, G,TrentEman, Randy,….then things started to blur a little….. My helpers have compiled the list below…..If anyone was missed, please let me know politely. Oh yeah,,,,,Mertz&Mosso(M&M?) too.
scugi, cpl, mertz, big al, big al pat, donna, dorian, e, lisa e, trent, polo, melissa, bernadette, mosso, g, su, julian, tamps, ska, goettle, yo, pat worth, randy, earl, katherine, laura, arunkone, stu, big lou, liz, chaty, danielle?
I catch myself doing the Cpt Morgan pose a couple of times…..not pretty, but Danielle makes a great CM&Diet Coke… At some point I decide to leave…..Goettle with a look of sincere panic on his face says “Dude…do you need a place to crash prior to driving home” I think back to the photo from the Americana and decide to take my chances on the NJ/PA highway system….

There was a lot more going on that what is cited here….Schutzie tried to fill in some blanks: Others are welcomed

Schutzie in right after CPL, then Porsche Linda and yo, one beer with them and Big Al and BA's Pat. BA and BAP are getting stoked up for dinner with mom and dad, would hate to do that sober. I see a wave from Polo on the other side of the bar, she is not alone. I walk over and get introduced to Melissa and Bernadette and things are just fine. They hear about the TDDoC tradition and they want to get 1 point per drink, I explain, one point per night, not one per drink. Things are fine until the "stinky drunk drunk" tries to talk to them, he virtually blows people out of their seats with the aroma. I can't let this happen and go on the defense, Polo is being euthanized (sp) by the aroma, I quickly set a pick and block his attempt, he quickly moves around to Melissa and tries to come in from the other side, I slide across their legs to block again, he comes down the middle. I get Danielle and asked to have him removed, she says she can't, he has a room there (they have rooms at the BF?, who knew, SKA?). I go back on defense and feel like I am being double teamed then Randy shows and I yank him into the game. Game over, it is no contest with us both setting picks and the girls swinging around in their seats. I have a heart to heart with the guy and tell him it is a private group, he steps back into the corner and explodes, the alcohol must have gone critical, only charred elements of his red parka remain and a slight whiff of old beer. Melissa is the president of CareersUSA (www.careersusa.com) in case one of us ever needs a job and Bernadette is with ETS (Educational Testing Services).

No freight trains in the am…..although this close to xmas, I think the Polar express whizzed by , but did not stop at CPL station for very long.
Update point totals (subject to revision if required)...Please feel free to check my math...Goettle has already posted the photos on the blog....

Points total:
Eman 9
Ska 9
Gman 9
Su 9
Goettle 9
Tamps 9
Milot 7
BB 4
Big Lou 7
Bobo 3
Donna 5
Pods 3
Julian 6
Chaty 6
Lisa Eman 5
Trent 5
Laura 4
DMile 4
Jeff 2
Billionaire Pat Worth 3
Millionaire Brandy 2
Scugi 5
Rose 2
Yo 4
Mertz 3
Neufeld 2
Chris Bode 2
Tmac 1
Yvette 2
Mrs. Scugi 2
CPL 2
Uvegas 2
Lallie 1
Nancy HP 1
Mindy 1
Dino 1
Caitlyn 1
Mini G 1
Randy 3
Big Al 2
Big Al’s Pat 1
Lauren 1
Anna 1
Beth 1
Yvette(non Goettle) 1
Dorian 3
Melanie 123 1
Jennifer 1
Cairo 1
Cairo's cousin Joe 1
Tony Sal 1
Steve (Chaty's Friend) 1
Alli 1
Kentucky Iris 1
CSI Stu 3
Cory G aka C-note 1
Szwech 1
Jim 1
El Chorba 1
Chorba 1
Lil' Chorb 1
Brooke 1
Dan 1
Hop Girl Suzanne 1
Nikki 1
Ken 1
Chuck DePalma 1
EC Julie 1
Chris Allen 1
Conway 2
Cory Mertz 1
Jana 2
Sage 1
Julie (WC) 1
Katherine 2
Mosso 4
Robinmandm 1
Sandor Metler 1
The Swede 1
Will 1
The Mechanic 1
Felicia (Gman Family - GF) 2
Jean C 1
Don (Emans Friend - EF) 1
Lisa (EF) 1
Jenna (EF) 1
Keith (BigLousKid - BLK) 1
Rachel (BLK) 1
Randy (Chaty’sBitchAssFriend – CBAF) 1
Liz 2
Kaden 1
Colleen 1
Dex 1
Melissa
Bernadette
Porsche Club Linda (Bright Eyes)

Day 10 Location: Santino's

Urban legend: CPL is working on Day 9 Stats.

Santino's Bar One

2360 Route 33
Robbinsville, NJ 08691

Features progressive Italian & American cuisine with daily original & unique specials. Santino's Bar One High offers wines from around the world as well as creative & alluring specialty cocktails. All guests must be 21 or older after 10:00pm.

Dining Style: Casual Elegant
Cuisine: Italian

Phone: (609) 223-0931

Hours of Operation:
Lunch: Monday - Friday: 11:00am - 4:00pm
Dinner: Monday - Thursday: 4:00pm - 10:00pm, Friday - Saturday: 4:00pm - 11:00pm, Sunday: 4:00pm - 10:00pm
Sunday Brunch: 11:00am - 2:30pm
Happy Hour: Monday-Friday: 4:00pm - 7:00 pm
Payment Options:
AMEX, Discover, MasterCard, Visa
Executive Chef: Mark Longo
Dress Code: Smart Casual
Accepts Walk-Ins: Yes
Offers: Banquet/Private Rooms, Bar Dining, Bar/Lounge, Beer, Entertainment, Full Bar, Happy Hour, Late Night, Non-Smoking Restaurant, Patio/Outdoor Dining, Private Room, Takeout, Wheelchair Access, Wine Bar
Parking: Public Lot
Parking Details: Complimentary Parking
Private Party Facilities: Please call for details.
Private Party Contact: Pete Rossi (609) 223-0931
Entertainment: European Bottle Service and DJ's in the Lounge Wednesday - Saturday.

Day 8 - Who Will Be the Next Americana Idol Or Please Leave E-man and Goettle Home for Karaoke Night

Day 9 will be at BIG FISH in Princeton Market Fair accessible from the Southbound lanes of Route 1.
Address is: 3535 US Highway 1, Princeton, NJ

Their website could use a little work, but the music is pretty cool.


I’m sitting at the computer typing away, Chopin is playing in the background, and in the foreground is a glass of wine, and it’s a good one. Day 8 has not even started, but already the stats are underway. This TDDoC 2007 juggernaut is really rolling, now. We got off to a good start and then slowed down a bit in the early part of last week, but now the train is motoring in a way that would make James Watt proud. (No, not the guy who was worried about the Beach Boys bringing out the “Wrong Element”. The dude who invented the steam engine.)

We’re still missing some of the fan favorites from bygone years. Haven’t seen the Other Joe (OJ), MD, Frank, Cheryl, Polo, and CPL’s business card, though some of us are holding out hope that they will make an appearance, however brief it may be. I on the other hand have a different attitude about their lack of attendance – if those punk-a$$ beot.ches don’t get their collective a$$es out for one nite, one stinkin’ nite for one measly drink, well, let me just say, “Jules, I’ll be on the mother…like a Wolf”

The rest of these stats are brought to you this morning. For some reason I can’t fathom, I woke up this morning with a sore throat, a mini freight train, and this godawful pain in my derriere. It seems I get that pain there every time I drink lots of Guinness with E-man. Gotta make a note to switch to Sam Adams when drinking with E-man. Who came out you ask? A better question is who DIDN”T come out (besides those aforementioned folks above). The attendees, in no particular order were G-man, Su, Julian, Felicia, Milot, Dmile, Liz, Mosso, E-man, Tamps, Collen, Ska, Chaty, Jana, Sage, fan favorite BIG LOU, Lallie & Dave Uvegas, Randy, CSI Stu (aka Case Cracker), Scugi & Maria, Walter “I’ll bit.ch slap you mothers” Kaden, and Goettle.

So where was I? Oh yeah – Day 8. Day 8 was nearly derailed when the revelers found out that the bar area at the Americana was closed to the public because of a private party. What the eff kind of treatment is that? Especially on karaoke night? Not only do we run up a bar bill that would make our free-spending politicians proud, we’ve got talent. Only our deep-rooted love for America(na) kept us from a full-scale riot. That and we were missing notorious tough guy rebel, CPL. Must have been the retrospective on Tony Danza’s career they were running on the WTB (Who’s the Boss?) channel. Someone please spend $24.99 and buy him a VCR, so he can tape these programming gems in the future and not miss necessary bar brawls. We’re all set to blow out of the place and head to Nottingham Tavern, CBs, or even TGIF or Theos for the amusement value, when Chaty works his magic, consults his oracle, and confidently proclaims that if we wait 10 more minutes, the bar area will be opened up to us. What quick thinking, what fast action, and it didn’t even require groveling or cajoling of the Americana staff or masterful sleight of hand. So the ship was righted and the party continued.

We begin our conquest of the bar by establishing a beach head in a strategic corner of the bar and then airdrop elite crack troops into the center of the bar to split the enemy forces into smaller groups. Then we infiltrate the remaining smaller pockets of resistance with our most daring and charming troops, and voila, we overrun the entire bar and declare victory, mission accomplished. Our surge was the right strategy at the right time, executed by mostly right-handed people. But there’s more to be done. It’s not enough just to occupy the bar. We’ve got to rebuild and repair the wrongs that have been done.

Step 1 in the rebuilding process – we get the people drinking. And the beers and drinks flowed like honey, and it was good.

Step 2 – we get the people singing.

There are about 10 more Steps which would make the total in the neighborhood of 12. Usually we only get to Step 1, so last night represented some real progress, a real breakthrough.

Can you think of a better way to bring out everyone’s “inner ham” than karaoke. Not only are we a good-looking, hard-drinking clan – we’ve got loads of talent. Sage “You Can Call Me Grace Slick” does a rendition of Jefferson Airplane’s “White Rabbit”. Talk about 10 feet tall. And other songs, too. It was marvelous. And it didn’t stop there. Jana “Don’t You Dare Call Me Melanie Again (Goettle)” did a few with my favorite being “Brass In Pocket” – Jana’s special all right. And we also heard from our favorite new rap-meister, Chaty. Digital Underground? They don’t know “Humpty Dance”. Sugar Hill Gang? Chaty spits on all of them with a “Rapper’s Delight”.

Even the “BIG LOU Band” made an appearance doing a little thing about Santa Clause Comin’ to Town. With Big Lou on lead vocals, backed up by E-man and Goettle, the crowd went wild.

But the highlight of the night by far was E-man and Goettle singing (well, if you could call it that) the Foo Fighters cover of the Prince song “Darling Nikki“. Now, while the other singers could carry a tune and sing melodies on-key, E-man and Goettle showed how having a stage presence and connecting with the audience (or the guy standing right behind you) can be the difference between a disaster and a train wreck. “Grind Goettle Grind”. The distinction here is that a disaster is something you generally read about or avoid if you can, while a train wreck is a thing from which you desperately try to avert your eyes but cannot. You watch it with a strange fascination bordering on disbelief or denial. You think “This really can’t be happening – we’re nowhere near the Village, and Goettle’s a$$ seems to be stuck in E-man’s crotch. And E-man keeps repeating ‘Grind Goettle Grind’. Please make them stop. My eyes must be playing tricks.” But no your eyes aren’t playing tricks. And here’s the proof.



I’m sure that E-man would like to apologize to all of you for any lingering disturbing images that may have burned into your brain. And while you await his contrition, I (Goettle) will wait for his phone number and the password to his Myspace page.

Simultaneous with all of the singing, there’s much conversation and merriment. I listen with amazement to the stories of guys hitting on Ska and Dave Uvegas and share some of my own, but Mr. Uvegas spills out the whopper of the evening. You see, one time while he was in San Francisco, he went to a “club” with some “friends”. You with me so far? Well, at this “club” there was “entertainment” of the adult variety. The open-minded and always-ready-to-try-new-things Mr. Uvegas received the undivided and undisputed attention of one of the “dancers” – in fact, you might say that this bounty from the heavens above landed right in his lap. So what you say? Well, how many people of the male persuasion do you know to get a lap dance from a scantily, meretriciously clad (she)male – in front of hundreds? We don’t know wear he/she hid “it”, But you also have to hide “them”, too, as they come as a complete “package”. Something to think about for tonite. There’s been a lot of g@y stuff this TDDoC. Thank god, E-man and Goettle are straightening this thing out.

Speaking of g@y and “defending marriage”, I got a question for everyone to consider. What exactly are our esteemed politicians defending marriage from? Are they worried that if men find out they are allowed to marry other men, they will stop pursuing women? Somehow, I can’t see any of the married men I know, throw over their wives for a dude with either a clean-shaven or hairy @ss. Enough of the politics – it seems to be getting into everything these days.

And before we leave these stats, everybody raise their glasses (proverbial) to Kaden who kept his DiMaggioesque streak alive (I’m talking Dom not Joe). A little taunting and a few veiled threats about a person’s sexuality (plus some photos to back these threats up) can go a long way to getting folks out. And we had a couple of newcomers in our midst – welcome Liz and Lallie who took a break from their TV show to sing a few songs for us.


Points total:
Eman 8
Ska 8
Gman 8
Su 8
Goettle 8
Tamps 8
Milot 6
BB 4
Big Lou 6
Bobo 3
Donna 4
Pods 3
Julian 5
Chaty 5
Lisa Eman 4
Trent 4
Laura 3
DMile 4
Jeff 2
Billionaire Pat Worth 2
Millionaire Brandy 2
Scugi 4
Rose 2
Yo 3
Mertz 2
Neufeld 2
Chris Bode 2
Tmac 1
Yvette 2
Mrs. Scugi 2
CPL 1
Uvegas 2
Lallie 1
Nancy HP 1
Mindy 1
Dino 1
Caitlyn 1
Mini G 1
Randy 2
Big Al 1
Lauren 1
Anna 1
Beth 1
Yvette(non Goettle) 1
Dorian 2
Melanie 123 1
Jennifer 1
Cairo 1
Cairo's cousin Joe 1
Tony Sal 1
Steve (Chaty's Friend) 1
Alli 1
Kentucky Iris 1
CSI Stu 2
Cory G aka C-note 1
Szwech 1
Jim 1
El Chorba 1
Chorba 1
Lil' Chorb 1
Brooke 1
Dan 1
Hop Girl Suzanne 1
Nikki 1
Ken 1
Chuck DePalma 1
EC Julie 1
Chris Allen 1
Conway 2
Cory Mertz 1
Jana 2
Sage 1
Julie (WC) 1
Katherine 1
Mosso 3
Robinmandm 1
Sandor Metler 1
The Swede 1
Will 1
The Mechanic 1
Felicia (Gman Family - GF) 2
Jean C 1
Don (Emans Friend - EF) 1
Lisa (EF) 1
Jenna (EF) 1
Keith (BigLousKid - BLK) 1
Rachel (BLK) 1
Randy (Chaty’sBitchAssFriend – CBAF) 1
Liz 1
Kaden 1
Colleen 1
Dex 1

Day 7 Stats "War, What is it Good For?"

Day 8 will be at the Americana in Hightstown on Rt. 130 on the northbound side.



Before I get started on last nights stats, we all want to thank Frank and Cheryl for allowing us to do a cocktail hour and hot tub party at their place. Chez Frank&Cheryl provided an excellent environment for us drink, eat and indulge in some of our more… uh well… baser bodily pleasure. BTW, I am sure that the stains on the walls will come out after a few coats of paint.

By Day 7 brings us to the AllStarz Sports Pub in Bordentown. Day 7 is always special because the drinkers have been to the mountain top and peeked over to see, although it is off in the distance, the glorious finish line. Day 7 also brought out a record number of TDDoC virgins. The first timers include John “the Mechanic” Fallon (JTMF), Felicia (Gman family member), Jean (Paul Conway’s wife), Don, Lisa and Jenna (some friends of the Eman’s), Frank and Rachel (Big Lou’s kids), Randy (Chaty’s bit.ch a$$ friend). Welcome to the TDDoC newcomers we are glad that we could pop your TDDoC cherry, do come out again. Also in attendance were Donna, Dorian, Chaty, Eman, Lisa E, Trent, Goettle, Ska, Tamp, G, Su, Julian. Mosso, Conway, Big Lou, Yo, Scugi. All and all an excellent showing for Day 7

There were more TV’s in that place than you could shake a stick at. Also there seem to be some confusion over the price of a beer on tap. At times it was $4.75 and other times it was $4.80, this could be the scandal that the TDDoC uncovers this year. Where exactly is that extra $0.05 going, who exactly is profiting from this extra nickel, if this individual gets this nickel 20 million more time he/she will become a millionaire (but still have less than the billionaire PW). We are gonna keep our collective eye on this place because there is something really suspicious going on.

Another sleepless night in Lawrenceville, up about 1:30, I was certain that I would not be falling back asleep so I began to ponder the war. I am not talking about the war that the brave men and women of America are fighting in Afghanistan or Iraq, I am speaking of the war with is taking place inside the Gman’s body. It is a messy war that will leave no winners. I will detail some of the factions in this war.

The Brain – The brain has declared itself an isolationist. After Day 1 of the TDDoC the throbbing brain, immediately declared, “I am sick of this $hit already… I’m out”. The brain promised to shut off as soon as it sensed the presence of alcohol. Normally this would be fine, but the brains major function is to warn the other body parts of the imminent alcohol danger ahead, it gives the stomach a chance to tense itself, the liver a chance to dodge the alcohol, it could relay a message to the hand not to pick up the glass. But alas, due the pounding it took on Day 1 the brain has decided that it is every body part for himself.

The Liver – This type of bombardment has not been realized since the bombing of Dresden in 1945 (or perhaps TDDoC’s in the past). The liver is taking heavy casualties and the punishment seems relentless. Somewhere around Day 3 the liver was looking to call a truce and bring a swift end to the war, but without the brains direction it seems that all lines of communication are down. Needless to say the liver is waving a white flag and is currently in full retreat. If you want to know how things will turn out for the liver just think of Custer in his last stand.

The Mouth – The mouth is enjoying the delicious taste of grey goose and cranberry and really does not give a damn what the effects are on the other parts of the body. This selfish attitude does not stand well with the other body parts and could lead to a coalition against the mouth later. But then again it won’t be the first or last time Gman’s mouth has got him into trouble.

The Stomach – The last time there was fireworks like this is when the British bombarded Baltimore harbor and the display led Francis Scott Key to write the Star Spangled Banner. My stomach is making really odd noises that frankly are beginning to scare me. The stomach has threatened the mouth that if it continues to consume vodka at this rate, there is a good chance that it will see that vodka again (in a partially digested form that may include food). The mouth is presently taking this under advisement.

The Arm – The arm has not seen this much exercise (lifting cocktail glasses up to the mouth) since 1998 when the TDDoC was down for repairs and gman was single and his vacuum cleaner was at the repair place. For those of you unaware the vacuum cleaner reference allow me to explain: In the early 1990’s a young, single, cockeyed enthusiastic, and adventurous Crack Pipe Larry (CPL) was home watching TBS feature a Who’s the Boss (WTB) marathon. The excitement of watching WTB just got to be too much for CPL, and one thing led to another and the thought of self gratification came to mind. But CPL had just injured his arm a few weeks earlier when TBS was running a Joanie Loves Chiachi (JLC) marathon (again self gratification). Well it just so happened that CPL spied the vacuum cleaner out of the corner of his eye. Born out of that little spark in his eye was the Vac-U-Jak 2000. Since then he has gone on to further perfect his model with the Vac-U-Jak 3000 and 4000 – a Multitude of Pleasuring.

See you all at the Americana tonight.


Points total:
Eman 7
Ska 7
Gman 7
Su 7
Goettle 7
Tamps 7
Milot 5
BB 4
Big Lou 5
Bobo 3
Donna 4
Pods 3
Julian 4
Chaty 4
Lisa Eman 4
Trent 4
Laura 3
DMile 3
Jeff 2
Billionaire Pat Worth 2
Millionaire Brandy 2
Scugi 3
Rose 2
Yo 3
Mertz 2
Neufeld 2
Chris Bode 2
Tmac 1
Yvette 1
Mrs. Scugi 1
CPL 1
Uvegas 1
Nancy HP 1
Mindy 1
Dino 1
Caitlyn 1
Mini G 1
Randy 1
Big Al 1
Lauren 1
Anna 1
Beth 1
Yvette(non Goettle) 1
Dorian 2
Melanie 123 1
Jennifer 1
Cairo 1
Cairo's cousin Joe 1
Tony Sal 1
Steve (Chaty's Friend) 1
Alli 1
Kentucky Iris 1
CSI Stu 1
Cory G aka C-note 1
Szwech 1
Jim 1
El Chorba 1
Chorba 1
Lil' Chorb 1
Brooke 1
Dan 1
Hop Girl Suzanne 1
Nikki 1
Ken 1
Chuck DePalma 1
EC Julie 1
Chris Allen 1
Conway 2
Cory Mertz 1
Jana 1
Julie (WC) 1
Katherine 1
Mosso 2
Robinmandm 1
Sandor Metler 1
The Swede 1
Will 1
The Mechanic 1
Felicia (Gman Family - GF) 1
Jean C 1
Don (Emans Friend - EF) 1
Lisa (EF) 1
Jenna (EF) 1
Frank (BigLousKid - BLK) 1
Rachel (BLK) 1
Randy (Chaty’sBitchAssFriend – CBAF) 1

Day 6 Stats "Mussolini's Return"

Some night’s it seems like it is the best TDDoC night ever. Friday was one of those nights.

But first, tonight, for Day 7 we’ll be at Alstarz Sports Pub, 140 US Highway 130 Bordentown, NJ 08505 (next to Mastori’s) (609) 291-0200.


It was a brisk night in Princeton and with the promise of 2 of the TDDoC charter members returning from the west coast there was a chill of excitement in the air. I arrive at Winberrie’s, our first stop on our Princeton pub crawl at 5:30 with Art and EC Julie. There is something about a pub crawl that can change a reasonable man into Mussolini. WC Julie, Will, and Scugi are in Winberries. Will is sporting a very stylish beard. This is the kind of hipness we lack on the east coast. Julie informs us of new TDDoC chapters being established in Chicago and beyond. We quickly fill up the little free bar space as Laura, G, Su, Yo, Goettle, Yvette, Jana, The Swede, Big Lou, BB, Chris Bode, Sandor Metler, Milot and Dmile soon arrive. Ska arrives and reports that Mertz checked in from Syracuse and on his way with his son Cory. Our group too big for this place so we start to crawl. A scouting party goes out to the Tap Room and returns a report that it is pretty empty. Mussolini barks out the command to drink up because we are leaving. He is met with disregard and blank stares. We finish our drinks and file out of there like someone broke wind.

The Tap room is not as empty as reported. It is filling up quickly. It seems that the Princeton Ski Club (PSC) was riding on our coat tails and meeting there also. We lock up a bar stool so we can order drinks. Katherine arrives and comes over to get a drink. She says she was talking with our friend Ned. Eman and I look at each other and say there is no Ned on the TDDoC. Yo also makes friends with some crazy woman that want’s him because she loves married men. It was weird and getting weirder. The PSC brings out Chris Allen for his second accidental TDDoC point at the Tap Room. Next to our bar stool there is a guy playing online poker and Scugi wants to make love to him. It is time for another round and I’m getting a bunch of drinks. It seems the word is out among bartenders on Laura and her glass breaking problem. Her drink is the only one that comes in a plastic cup. Once again we are too big a group for the bar and a scouting party consisting of BB and Will is sent out to the Witherspoon Grill. It seems that a group of about 10 lingerie models decided to go there for HH straight from work. I haven’t seen that much skin since the TDDo4thoJ. BB refuses to leave so we make it our 3rd stop. Mussolini return’s and with a commitment to get the pub crawl running like the trains in Italy, issues the order to leave. Again it is met with inaction.

Shortly after we arrive at the Witherspoon, the lingerie models disappear. Did Goettle get a picture of them, no, but he did get a picture of Will’s legs. Our group now includes Paul Conway, Mosso, Mertz, Cory Mertz, RobinM&M, and Rose. Yo has nothing on Joe as he gets hit on by someone in a beautiful fur coat. The only problem is that under that fur coat is a man. With the clock ticking and a minimum of 4 stops needed to have a pub crawl. Mussolini demands that we leave and head over to Sotto’s. He is met with rebuttal, “I just ordered food”, “We’re moving again?”, “Good, this place sucks”.

In Sotto’s we find a good 80’s rock band playing angry girl songs. Will has now hit the wall. He is on the ropes. He says he needs some air, and I translate that to he is going to puke. I shuffle him up the stairs and outside to a bench on the side walk. I say “It’s cold out”. Will, now in a kilt, replies “You have no idea”. He searches repeatedly through the 6 pockets in the kilt for his cigarettes. After he gives up, Eman walks by on his way home and hands him the cigarettes, but now Will can’t find his matches.

Our fifth and final stop is the A&B. Some drunken girl named Heather comes up to me and says she knows me. She looks familiar, but I think I don’t know her. We start going over our recent past. I ask her was she at JoJo’s on Monday, or Al’s on Tuesday, or City Streets on Wednesday, or Isaac’s on Thursday? She replied “You drink a lot”. It turns out she was sitting across the bar from me at Big Fish the previous week. With our numbers dwindling and last call at 1:30 upon us, we make a drunken call Taddie and head home.


Day 6’s Attendee’s
Art Neufeld
BB
Big Lou
Chris Allen
Chris Bode
Paul Conway Paulconwayus@Yahoo.Com
Corry Mertz
Dmile
EC Julie
Eman
G
Goettle
Jana
Julie
Katherine
Laura
Mertz
Milot
Mosso
Robinmandm
Rose
Sandor Metler
Scugi
Ska
Su
Swede
Tamps
Will
Yo


Points total:
Eman 6
Ska 6
Gman 6
Su 6
Goettle 6
Tamps 6
Milot 5
BB 4
Big Lou 4
Bobo 3
Donna 3
Pods 3
Julian 3
Chaty 3
Lisa Eman 3
Trent 3
Laura 3
DMile 3
Jeff 2
Billionaire Pat Worth 2
Millionaire Brandy 2
Scugi 2
Rose 2
Yo 2
Mertz 2
Neufeld 2
Chris Bode 2
Tmac 1
Yvette 1
Mrs. Scugi 1
CPL 1
Uvegas 1
Nancy HP 1
Mindy 1
Dino 1
Caitlyn 1
Mini G 1
Randy 1
Big Al 1
Lauren 1
Anna 1
Beth 1
Yvette(non Goettle) 1
Dorian 1
Melanie 123 1
Jennifer 1
Cairo 1
Cairo's cousin Joe 1
Tony Sal 1
Steve (Chaty's Friend) 1
Alli 1
Kentucky Iris 1
CSI Stu 1
Cory G aka C-note 1
Szwech 1
Jim 1
El Chorba 1
Chorba 1
Lil' Chorb 1
Brooke 1
Dan 1
Hop Girl Suzanne 1
Nikki 1
Ken 1
Chuck DePalma 1
EC Julie 1
Chris Allen 1
Conway 1
Cory Mertz 1
Jana 1
Julie (WC) 1
Katherine 1
Mosso 1
Robinmandm 1
Sandor Metler 1
The Swede 1
Will 1

Day 5 Chronicles "The Day the Blizzard Struck"

Day 6 location: Princeton pub crawl. Starting location: Winberries (or Winterberries as Pods knows it), 1 Palmer Square, Princeton, NJ. See “tonight’s plan” below

From user review on internet: “I really enjoyed the Princeton athletic attire around the restaurant”

I’d encourage you to bring out your own athletic attire if you wish.
Come out for an Old Skool Schoolin’ by the West Coast alumni….or call them out for being the punks that they are!

Day 5: Isaac Newton's Ye Olde Olde Town Pub and Supper Club, Newtown PA
OK, that might not be the official name....but it sure felt like something like that when you were inside the place. From having the regulars turn and shout out your name when you enter the door, to the maitre de giving you a warm handshake and saying "Pleased to have you here tonight, sir", to the melodious sounds of Christmas Carols being sung by a chorus of angels, it's quite a homey place. Oh wait, I think that's what happens at the Nottingham Tavern. What actually happened was the maitre de saying "We can't give you a table until you have more people!!! And it's smoking in there you know!!!!, and then kicking you in both shins.

But I get ahead of myself. The phone rings at 4:25. It's Tom Szwech, a TDDoC newcomer. I answer and he says "I wanted to give you a WHHYYYYYYY??? call, but I'm late leaving work." No points for you!! Rookie mistake! To get WHHHYYY?? credit, there are 2 very basic requirements.....you must actually say "WHHHHYYYYY???" and then of course it would be generally good if you were actually at a bar drinking. He tries again at 4:50. This time he's actually at the bar drinking, but forgets to say "WHHHHYYYYY???". Clearly, Szwech cut out of the TDDOC training class early and went drinking. Not that that’s a bad thing.

The blizzard!! As Big Lou had predicted earlier in the day, the extensive pre-planning of all TDDOC locations came to a crashing disaster as the entire area was blanketed in 3 feet of ice making travel completely impossible. Only Newtown residents living less than a block from the bar were able to make it out. This was a blessing in disguise for many of South Jersey's adult entertainment hotspots, as their revenue was up 10% due to Big Lou not being distracted by non-adult entertainment spots.

More of the Charming Shoppes crowd shows up. Clearly, no one there sat through the entire TDDOC training class because they keep asking who will be writing the stats tonight, but they're not calling them "the stats". Every time they refer to the "stats", it's by a different name, "the notes", "the minutes". Hey, this isn't a project status meeting you know. My favorite though was "the chronicles". Say it, it feels good. the chronicles". But don't just say it normally....push out your stomach...tighten your chest muscles....hold your nose....open your mouth just slightly, and say "…..And now…....I present to youuuuu…....the daiiiiiily chrooonicles". It feels good, doesn't it? It works best if someone toots out a few notes on a bugle right before you say it. If anyone owns a bugle, please bring it out tonight. I have attached today’s Chronicles to this message.

Nicknames!! People want nicknames. Brooke shows up and immediately demands to be called Crack Pipe Brooke. The one thing she doesn't understand though is that to get the Crack Pipe moniker, you actually have to stay at home and NOT come out. (Editor's note: Crack Pipe Larry was NOT at home, he was enjoying the Yardley Theatre version of the Riverdance whilst enjoying tea and crullers and a rousing game of cribbage at the interlude.) So we brainstorm nicknames.....Brooklyn.....Queen Brookie B-Rook.....Nickname-Needing Girl.....none seemed to fit just right. We were closing in on one, and then....from out of nowhere.....a teddy bear which had been mounted high on the wall as a decoration leaped to its death, breaking its back as it landed on Brooke's head. For a moment Brooke had stars circling her head just like in a Bugs Bunny cartoon, but when she came to, she realized that she owed it to the bear to give it a proper burial and stuffed it in her purse. Right in the middle of all of this, someone hands Suzanne a Hop Wallop and she screams "I love hops!", and instantly gains the nickname Hop Girl. Nikki wanted a nickname too, but we didn't get that far. I urged both Nikki and Brooke to lick something inappropriately, but apparently they've heard that line before. All I can say is that on the way home I heard the Foo Fighters' "Darling Nikki", and I can assume that the nickname "Darling" is not what Nikki had in mind. (Editor’s note: Brooke’s last name is Karwowski. She’s NEVER been called “Wowski” before?)

There’s a woman walking around with beer samples. That rocks. There should always be a woman walking around with beer samples, whether you are at a bar, a party, the mall, at work, or even at a toll booth. We just need more of that. Later, the woman is sitting at the bar and being picked up by one of our attendees, but I can’t remember who.

Goettle arrives, fresh from another pre-party at the Nottingham Tavern. He's clearly intoxicated from all of the shots that the "virgin engineer" once again bought him. He also complains of a strange pain in his hindquarters, but doesn't know what it's from.

Milot shows......Andy has quietly moved into second place on the point total. Look out Ska, he's gunning for you. Laura shows, and the bartender immediately removes all glassware from the bar area around her. Apparently quite a few people are reading these stats.

The PA locals show….Billy Bob, Pods, Chorbas….and amazingly enough, none of them are playing banjos or are carrying muskets!! Could this rumor of Appalachia starting directly west of the Delaware river be a bit off? Bobo and Donna were apparently unavailable. Something about having to fix the still.

Tamps shows up, and as promised, he brings all of the hot women that work at Lockheed Newtown with him. Wait, I think he was alone. I'm not sure. Please ask Tamps about this next time you see him.

Later on Chuck DePalma shows. I believe Chuck works at Lockheed Newtown. I like Chuck, and nothing against him, but if this is Tamps’ idea of hot chicks, someone needs to have a word with him.

Scugi texts in. At least I think it's Scugi because remember my phone can only receive texts and not reply to them OR identify who they're from. That's because it was made in 1999, and back then, not only did you not need to know who they're from, you didn't even care! Now, I still don't care. Go ahead, text me....I don't care. Oh, but Scugi. Seems as though he's stuck in Canada and his flight was cancelled, so he's going to fly to LaGuardia, rent a car, and road trip to the TDDOC. Heroic I tell you. Or maybe it wasn't Scugi texting me at all. Maybe it was just some weirdo. Maybe Scugi is a weirdo. Please ask Scugi about this next time you see him.

At one point I'm in the men's room, and my cell rings. Fortunately in 1999, they recognized the need to receive phone calls, so I can answer. A woman's voice says "What are you doing?". I told her I was in the bathroom. She asked me if I was touching myself. I said "No", assuming that wiping my hands on a paper towel did not qualify. She then said "I want you to touch yourself" and then I heard heavy breathing. I said "Goettle, knock it off". Then she said, "it's not Goettle" but I still didn't believe her. The conversation continues as I walk up the stairs. I stop near the top because it's quieter here. People walk by going up and down the stairs. I have to keep assuring the voice by saying "I'm not touching myself", and every time I say that phrase, cute 20-year old girls are walking by. Finally, I tell her that Eman does not know who she is. She says "Eman? I thought this was Tamps!" and the phone goes dead. Could it have been a hot Lockheed chick? Perhaps we can find out tonight.

Tonight's plan: Some sort of pub crawl in Princeton. Try the starting location, and if we're not there, call someone to find out where we are or just go out into the street and yell "WHHHYYYY??". Chances are someone will look at you and say "TDDOC? They're at the _______ bar right now". Hey, it's kinda worked before. I’ll (gulp) give you my cell phone number in case you need it…609-306-2885. Texting might not be your best option.

Attendees:
Szwech
Jim
El Chorba
Chorba
Lil' Chorb
Milot
Laura
Eman
Tamps
Ska
BB
Pods
Gman
Su
Julian
Lisa Eman
Trent
Brooke
Dan
Hop Girl Suzanne
Nikki
Ken
Chuck DePalma
Goettle

Points total:
Eman 5
Ska 5
Gman 5
Su 5
Goettle 5
Tamps 5
Milot 4
Bobo 3
Donna 3
BB 3
Pods 3
Julian 3
Big Lou 3
Chaty 3
Lisa Eman 3
Trent 3
Laura 2
Jeff 2
Billionaire Pat Worth 2
Millionaire Brandy 2
DMile 2
Tmac 1
Yvette 1
Scugi 1
Mrs. Scugi 1
CPL 1
Uvegas 1
Nancy HP 1
Mindy 1
Dino 1
Caitlyn 1
Mini G 1
Randy 1
Big Al 1
Neufeld 1
Lauren 1
Anna 1
Beth 1
Yvette(non Goettle) 1
Dorian 1
Melanie 123 1
Jennifer 1
Cairo 1
Cairo's cousin Joe 1
Tony Sal 1
Steve (Chaty's Friend) 1
Rose 1
Yo 1
Alli 1
Kentucky Iris 1
Mertz 1
CSI Stu 1
Cory G aka C-note 1
Szwech 1
Jim 1
El Chorba 1
Chorba 1
Lil' Chorb 1
Brooke 1
Dan 1
Hop Girl Suzanne 1
Nikki 1
Ken 1
Chuck DePalma 1

This Bud's For You

After watching this TV commercial, I'm buying an Anheuser-Busch brand:

Day 4: "Airing of the Grievance"

Day 5 Locale: Olde Nottingham Tavern in Hamilton Square. Address is 9 Mercer St, Hamilton, NJ 08690 (see Note 1)

Let me just start out by saying, I have got a lot of problems with you people. All I hear any more is complaining, and now, you have me doing it.

"I don't want to go there." "That (This) place $ucks." "I have heel spurs." "My girlfriend is too nice." "I don't like Goettle." "Why don't we go to strip clubs?" "The President is a war-criminal." "My parole officer hates me." "Sling shots are illegal" "Governor Corzine has a bad haircut" "I miss Polo."

Okay, that last one is completely understandable. As for the rest of it, let me quote one of my favorite philosophers: "You people sicken me."

In short, we $uck. I think all of us need to be a little tougher. There is a lot pain in this world, and collectively we don't have a lot of it. Please keep that in mind.

Or else, I might just take a hostage. And waterboard someone. I learned how to do it from my neighbor. I think he is NSA. Speaking of waterboarding, did you hear this one? Senator Kit Bond, from some state that is even lucky to be in the union, claimed that waterboarding is very similar to swimming. Hmm. Now I have been swimming since I have been three. And I recently learned how to waterboard someone. So I was thinking -- waterboarding is a technique that uses controlled drowning to cause severe stress to someone. Swimming is a collection of techniques used to traverse water in order to avoid drowning with minimal stress. These things sound like complete opposites! Conclusion -- SENATOR BOND IS A HORRIBLE SWIMMER.

By the way, Day 4 was at the City Streets Cafe located in the town of the TDDoC Conception, East Windsor, NJ. Apparently the first arrivals showed up about 530 PM. Arriving separately, one of these, Mertz, could not make the obligatory "Why?" call as he had no one's cell phone number. Alli, on the other hand attempted to the call to Eman, but suddenly realized she was not drinking alone and was in fact sitting next to Mertz. Clearly, Alli was not drinking alone. She was drinking with Mertz. It is not clear which is preferable.

City Streets is a great place to hang out with family and friends, have a cocktail or beer, and argue. However, I do think everyone had a good time and attendance was great. This despite the fact that no one from Pennsylvania showed up.

And let me say a word about that. It needs to be said that while there has been an inordinate amount of bickering this year, the Pennsylvania crowd has been exceptionally whiny. Listen hear: We don't care that you moved to Pennsylvania. We don't care that you don't like New Jersey. Stop trying to convince yourself Pennsylvania is so great by trying to convince the rest of us that Pennsylvania is so great. Look, New Jersey is a strange and wondrous place, but it isn't for everyone. Sure we pay a little more in property taxes, but we have schools here that actually teach people to read and roads that are cleared in just hours after a major snow storm instead of days. But that is just us. We know you are there and we wish you the best. But stop with the whiney little girl thing before I send Yo over there to start shooting up the place with his pistol (or sling-shot, his choice).

Which brings us to Note 1: The Day 5 locale will actually be at Isaac Newton's in Newtown, or Isaac Newtown, or something. The address is 18 South State St Newtown, PA 18940 (215) 860-5100
www.isaacnewtons.com
So shut the eff up.

Continuing, at some point in the evening, I am asked by Roy O "How do you guys decide what places to go?" Now I recall from my days back at Lockheed that if Dr. Roy asked you a question you better have the answer, or there would be retribution. I didn't really have a good answer. And Roy said thank you and kicked me in the shin.

The TDDoC has become ungovernable with its current guidelines, much the way these United States of America were under the Articles of Confederation (that is what the current US Constitution replaced for you folks who went to the Pennsylvania public schools). I'm calling for a constitutional convention to iron all these things out. I'm just afraid there isn't a James Madison among us who is up to the task of writing it. I will pray for the best, however.

I then encountered Billionaire Pat Worth who showed me twenty-dollar bill that he claimed he obtained by somehow selling Brandy's children, and possibly Brandy. We often wondered how Pat came into his money. Apparently he is a slave trader. Who knew? Then apparently sensing my pain from my earlier discussion with Roy, Pat kicked me in my other shin.

The evening wound down around 10 PM or so, with a number of us talking to a nice lady from western Kentucky named Iris. Cool accent.

God Bless the TDDoC. Faithfully, Joe Ska.

Day 4 Players:
Billionaire Pat Worth
Millionaire Brandy
Caitlyn (Brandy's; I hope I have spelled correctly)
Mini-G (Also Brandy's)
Roy O
Milot
Dmile
Chaty
Steve (New Guy! Friend of Chaty)
G-man
Su
Cory
Julian
E-man
Trent
Lisa E
Stu
Tamp
Ska
Rose
Mertz
Big Lou
Yo
Alli
Jeff
Goettle
Kentucky Iris

Points total:
Eman 4
Ska 4
Gman 4
Su 4
Goettle 4
Bobo 3
Tamps 4
Donna 3
Yvette 1
BB 2
Pods 2
Tmac 1
Julian 2
Scugi 1
Mrs. Scugi 1
CPL 1
Big Lou 3
Uvegas 1
Nancy HP 1
Milot 3
DMile 2
Mindy 1
Dino 1
Jeff 2
Chaty 3
Lisa Eman 2
Trent 2
Billionaire Pat Worth 2
Millionaire Brandy 2
Caitlyn 1
Mini G 1
Randy 1
Laura 1
Big Al 1
Neufeld 1
Lauren 1
Anna 1
Beth 1
Yvette(non Goettle) 1
Dorian 1
Melanie 123 1
Jennifer 1
Cairo 1
Cairo's cousin Joe 1
Tony Sal 1
Steve (Chaty's Friend) 1
Rose 1
Yo 1
Alli 1
Kentucky Iris 1
Mertz 1
CSI Stu 1
Cory G aka C-note 1

Good Times, Bad Times: LZ from O2

Day 3 Stats

******Correction to Day 4 Locale: City Streets along Rte 130 in East Windsor, NJ is where we will be. Repeat: City Streets along Rte 130 in East Windsor is where we will be. Address for City Streets: 510 US Highway 130, East Windsor, NJ 08520



****WE WILL POSTPONE OUR VISIT TO NOTTINGHAM TAVERN TO ANOTHER DAY****

So there we were on Monday night at JoJo’s trying to figure out where to go on Tuesday night, and e-man in a stroke brilliance, though vehemently protested by g-man, picks Al’s Airport Inn in Ewing, very near the Trenton (West Trenton?) Airport. It sounded like a good idea at the time, but really, can you trust judgments rendered after drinking more than a few pints of Guinness?

A little bit about Al’s Airport Inn. It’s old and hasn’t changed since the war, and I mean the French and Indian War, the one where then Colonel or Captain Washington got his ass kicked in nearly every battle he participated in, at least that’s my vague recollection of 5th grade history, but I would invite any corrections from more knowledgeable folks. Who’s smarter – a president who suffered defeat after defeat on the battlefield or a president who avoided the battlefield? Whoops, I digress. Anyway, I think the happiest/luckiest people in central Jersey last nite were our bartenders, as we more than tripled the usual rainy, Tuesday nite attendance, and no doubt they are in the Caribbean today sunning themselves and enjoying the bounty from our drinking and eating. And speaking of attendance, we had BB, Pods, Donna, and Bobo from PA and the usual cast of characters from NJ: e-man, g-man, su, ska, tamps, chaty, BIG LOU, BIG AL, goettle, CPL, Milot, and Tony Sal.

And speaking of eating, the Happy Hour menu at Al’s is quite an eclectic assortment of goodies: breaded chicken wings, chicken fingers, pierogies, poppers, mozzarella sticks, or waffle fries. But the post-HH menu – well, from that menu, you could order breaded chicken wings, chicken fingers, pierogies, poppers, mozzarella sticks, or waffle fries. I think Al needs to work out a few of the kinks in the food service aspect of his business - after one order of fried and wings, the kitchen had to be shut down to allow the electrical system to rest and get ready for the weekend. Maybe that had something to do with the wafts of burnt plastic we detected – CPL had been long gone by then, so we could safely rule out any colognes he was wearing.

But Al was prepared for all major disruptions in the kitchen. You see, you could also pick from basket carrying chips, pretzels, or Austin brand cheese and crackers, and this basket was placed in a strategic location on the bar – it was where any patron could reach it. With all the food offerings, it’s a small wonder we managed to squeeze in there at dinnertime. So contrary to popular belief, Al’s Inn was not inspirational to a certain Guthrie who sang about a place where you could get anything you want – let’s debunk that myth right here and now.

And Al’s Ancient Inn is famous for ghosts flitting about, though no one reported any other-worldly apparitions of the kind you might see in an old Scooby Doo cartoon.

So though the place was dumpy, run-down, a little expensive (the beers cost more than the mixed drinks), it was our dumpy, run-down place, and we can hardly wait ‘til our next visit: the no credit, pre-ride for the 2008 DTBDRHH. Please sign up early and save big $$$$ for this world famous ride along the Delaware River in late June.


An Addendum from Mr. Taddei:
Scene at the end of last night at Al's airport. Just me, Goettle, Lou and Big Al left. Prior to that, Ska, Tamps and Goettle and I we were figuring where we should go and someone suggested the Firkin Inn. Ska and Tamps decide to leave to get some sleep. Big Al overhears this and starts spewing directions (which turn out to be way off). I ask the bartender directions to the Firkin and several of the locals know exactly where it is (less than like 3 minutes away).

Firkin Inn was pretty cool - lots of Rider/CNJ 19 year old hotties and one really short chick with a huge rack - she must have been like 4 ft 10 (her head was just above bar height). Good hockey fights on TV gets the crowd buzzing. Good chomps also. Goettle and I must have stuck out like a sore thumb since we were way older than most everyone else in the place. I realize I have been there long ago when I used to live nearby (wonder where else I've been?).


One more important note:
Friends, TDDoCers, countrymen, it’s time for you to know the truth. This, the 10th edition of the TDDoC, is fraught with intrigue and scandal, and I can no longer sit idly by, while the mad power grabbers grab power. Many of you, no doubt, are unaware of what’s been going on – while you and I have been leading our lives of convenience and suburban convention, the wool is being pulled over our un-seeing eyes. It’s happening right now. The perpetrators of this plan to pool power proceed to plot plainly in front of our peepers. And no I’m not talking about the surrender of our freedoms to a government that is likely monitoring all of our e-mail traffic. However, the diabolical activities to which I refer are no less nefarious. I don’t want to use their names just yet but a I’ll give you a hint – their code names end in “man” and begin with letters between “d” and “h” but not the letter “f”. And by “between d and h”, I want to make it clear that this would not include the letters “d” and “h”. I’d give you the case of the letters, but I fear I’ve said too much already.

These dastardly villains have completed pre-planning the itinerary of the 2007 TDDoC. They’re not supposed to do that. And they are doing it in secret because they know they’re not supposed to do it. They may even be working on the 2008 TDDoC, as this message is being written and read. The consequence of this machination: they are taking away one of our most basic and cherished freedoms – our right to pick whichever pathetic central NJ establishment we goddam please. Now, maybe some of you are content not to be bothered with figuring out where to go night after night and prefer to leave it up to the so-called experts, but really, are there any experts in anything? Do the elites really know better than the common man (or woman)? Do we not live in a land where the government is by the people and for the people? Do you love America? The answers to these questions, by the way, are NO, NO, YES, and YES. Who will stand with me and put a stop to the lawbreakers? Sunshine is the greatest disinfectant and it’s time that a little sunlight was shed on the crafty cabal. It’s well-known for killing vampires – not too sure about werewolves, but I digress.

So those of you who have been on the sidelines so far this year, come out tonite to the Nottingham Tavern to celebrate your freedom to drink wherever you choose. Oh, and CPL is buying.



And now for the legal mumbo-jumbo:

Please check out the website for photographic evidence and previous days stats.
http://tddoc.blogspot.com/
You can access the website via the internet (that have that on computers now).


List of Day 3 attendees:
CPL
Ska
BIG LOU
Pods
BB
Tamp
Eman
G
Su
Goettle
Bobo
Donna
Chaty (formerly known as OJMarc)
Tony Sal
Milot
BIG AL

Points total:
Eman 3
Ska 3
Gman 3
Su 3
Goettle 3
Bobo 3
Tamps 3
Donna 3
Yvette 1
BB 2
Pods 2
Tmac 1
Julian 1
Scugi 1
Mrs. Scugi 1
CPL 1
Big Lou 2
Uvegas 1
Nancy HP 1
Milot 2
DMile 1
Mindy 1
Dino 1
Jeff 1
Chaty 2
Lisa Eman 1
Trent 1
Billionaire Pat Worth 1
Millionaire Brandy 1
Randy 1
Laura 1
Big Al 1
Neufeld 1
Lauren 1
Anna 1
Beth 1
Yvette(non Goettle) 1
Dorian 1
Melanie 123 1
Jennifer 1
Cairo 1
Cairo's cousin Joe 1
Tony Sal 1

Day 2 Stats

Stats written by Chaty.

The Twelve Drinking Days of Christmas, Chapter 2 (aka: The Cows Have Run Out of Cheese)



"What if we're the only ones who show up?" she asked. "What if we are all alone... just us. What if the others can't make it... or worse yet... what if they've found something better to do," as she puts her head down on the bar, her hair gently flowing, intertwined through her pint of Guinness and her tequila. "Now, now, Donna, take it easy," Tom reassured her, placing his hand on his shoulder as if to show her he was truly vested in this relationship. "I'm sure they're going to be here soon. They're just running a little late," he continued. "Maybe they got held up at the office, or traffic." Donna looks up at Tom, with a tear in her left eye, her only good eye. You see, it was 6 months to this day that she lost vision in her right eye during what was later described by prosecutors as a "freak skeet ball incident." But she couldn't think about this right now. Her mind was focused on the current situation. The fact that she felt betrayed by her friends whom all said they would meet her there. You see, deep inside she knew her relationship with Tom was on the rocks, and she was hoping for the comfort of the rest of the group to create a kind of diversion. "Don't cry," Tom told her, "we're in public. Just drink your tequila and I'm sure once everyone else shows up, you'll feel much better. Besides, Chaty's been here, we're not really here all by ourselves." But, he knew that wasn't going to stop her, nothing could have. He knew there wasn't anything he could have said at that moment to keep her tears at bay. You see, trying to stop a woman from crying is virtually impossible, much akin to telling a gun shot victim to stop bleeding. But Donna, who's heart was bleeding, needed to change the subject... to move on... if only for this brief moment. "Hey Chaty, what year were you born?" Donna inquired, trying to think of something to talk about. "1964, he claimed." "Golly," exclaimed Tom, "you look great for your age. Your skin is so soft. What do you bathe in? Moisturizer?" he jokes. Chaty gave a loud chuckle. The type of uncomfortable chuckle one would give when they've realized that their secret is out but can't quite admit it freely yet. "Yeah, bathe in moisturizer, that's funny... yeah..." Tom unknowingly had it half right. For the true secret to Chaty's youthful looking appearance wasn't the moisturizer he would bathed in frequently, it was the mix of herbs, plant oils, and fermented yak blood combined with the moisturizer that did the trick. It was an old family secret. And it needed to remain a secret. If Tom kept pressing the issue Chaty might be forced to use violent means. He reaches onto the bar to grab a fork, the closest thing to him at that moment and clenches it like a gladiator would grip a spear to fight a hungry tiger.

Luckily, the back door to the parking lot opens and in walks several other friends who've come drink and dine and with Tom and Donna. Chaty puts the fork down. Donna's eyes light with joy. Finally, the break she had been looking for. Her diversion has arrived. Tom just sat there with the same expression he's had all night long. Had he known he was about 20 seconds from meeting his demise, it's an almost guarantee that Tom's expression would have shown some type of change. G-man, his wife, and their child walk in and within 42 seconds of their arrival have a table, a large pizza, and coloring books. Everyone orders another round from the sullen looking bartender. Donna fights back the tears, and turns to everyone with a smile on her face and takes a sip of the sweet nectar that is her tequila. Shortly thereafter Laura walks in with that kind of effervescent charm that strikes people to say to themselves, "wow, so that's what effervescent charm is. I was always confused. I've heard the expression, but never actually knew what it was." And this was all in her plan to begin with. She would stun people with this effervescence and while they were dazed, trying to comprehend everything, she was secretly going through their pockets and taking their money, their credit cards, their medication, or anything else she could get her hands on. As she was going through Ska's wallet and pulling out the three $1 bills he has, Tom catches her. "Busted!" she thinks to herself, "how do I get out of this? My effervescent charm must not work on him... I know exactly what I have to do." So she takes her glass and smashes it on the bar, shattering it to tiny pieces. Remarkably, one of the pieces flies several feet down the bar and lands in Lou's mouth as he biting down on a slice of pepperoni pizza. Lou spits it out into his hand, thinking it's a chip of his tooth. Tom forgets all about Ska's wallet in a frenzy to clean up the mess.

Several minutes and 14 pizzas later, Tamps walks in wearing a t-shirt that says, "I (heart) Fezziwig's." The reason he showed up so late was because he was struggling to put together an outfit for the night. He was torn between the previously mentioned t-shirt or his, "I (spade) My Dog" t-shirt, or his favorite, "I (club) Crack Pipe Larry" t-shirt. Everyone got a great laugh out of this, but, the night was still young and the beer taps were still flowing and there was were still things that needed to be done. I'm not sure if it was the tequila Donna had been drinking or the cocaine that JoJo's puts in their pork roll sandwiches, but Donna told herself that she was going to fight for what she believed was the right thing to do. So, she finished her last bite of pork roll, grabbed Tom and licked his nose. She knew someone had to do it, and she knew she was the one to step up and do it. "There!" she said, "I did it! Someone needed to be licked inappropriately and now it's done!"

The conversation turns to talk of the future, to a hopefully brighter time, where things will be better, relationships will be fixed, teeth will be mended, and pockets won't be picked. "Where are we going to go for Day 3 festivities?" everyone quietly ponders to themselves. Several ideas are pitched, but, in true TDDoC tradition, it doesn't matter, we are going to where ever E-man wants us to go. There was much debate, but in the end, the E-man proclaimed that we are going to Big Al's Airport Inn (really called Al's Airport Inn) which isn't actually "in" the Trenton airport, but more so "near" the Trenton airport. Which leads many of us to ponder why it's not called "Al's Airport Out," or "Al's Near the Airport Inn." And it's really not in Trenton either, it's technically in Ewing. So, I guess we can call it "Al's Near the Trenton Airport which is actually in Ewing Airport Inn."

Al's Airport Inn
636 Near Tavern Road
Trenton, NJ 08628
(609)883-5252

See below for details. (Those who've had to take out loans from Night 1 will be happy to review the prices of Al's)

And now for the legal mumbo-jumbo

Please check out the website for photographic evidence and previous days stats.
http://tddoc.blogspot.com/
You can access the website via the internet (that have that on computers now).

List of Day 2 attendees:
Ska
Big Lou
Tamp
Dave Uvegas
Cairo
Cairo's Cousin Joe
Eman
G
Su
Julian
Goettle
Laura (Carlson)
Bobo
Donna
Chaty (formerly known as OJMarc)

Points total:
Eman 2
Ska 2
Gman 2
Su 2
Goettle 2
Bobo 2
Tamps 2
Donna 2
Yvette 1
BB 1
Pods 1
Tmac 1
Julian 1
Scugi 1
Mrs. Scugi 1
Big Lou 1
Uvegas 1
Nancy HP 1
Milot 1
DMile 1
Mindy 1
Dino 1
Jeff 1
Chaty 1
Lisa Eman 1
Trent 1
Billionaire Pat Worth 1
Millionaire Brandy 1
Randy 1
Laura 1
Neufeld 1
Lauren 1
Anna 1
Beth 1
Yvette(non Goettle) 1
Dorian 1
Melanie 123 1
Jennifer 1
Cairo 1
Cairo's cousin Joe 1

Day 1 stats

Day 2 location: Jojo's Tavern, Trenton/Hamilton NJ. http://jojostavern.com/ Great pizza, good beer, interesting characters, less home equity loans required than Salt Creek Grille. Be careful of Arty at the bar who may or may not be applying all of the Generally Accepted Cleanliness Procedures when handling food.

Ahhhhh, darkness at 4:30, freezing cold air, the sweet melodies of frequent noseblows, and inescapable Christmas music in every nook and cranny of the face of the earth....it must mean....it's time for....

Oh, wait, sorry, that's the TDDOC guidelines.

"On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a beer in the Princeton Forrestal Center"...that pinnacle of suburban highway corridor existence.

I'd first like to start off with a moment of mourning. Please bow head. This is very sad. It's about how Crack Pipe Larry was unable to drive the 300 yards out of his way on the way home in order to stop and have a beer with this friends. I mean, seriously, he works like 1/4 of a mile from the place, and passed within about 100 yards of the beer taps on route 1 on his way home. Look, I know that there was a Who's the Boss festival on Nick at Nite, and the TDDOC guidelines only mention that watching Alf reruns are not an excuse and don't explicitly mention Who's the Boss, and Tony Danza is very very funny, but please, please some flexibility here? Meanwhile, later on, at some point, I glance to the door, wave a greeting to Tmac as he enters, and then do a double-take. This is a Connecticut resident, driving down for the event. This now means that the state of Connecticut owns more TDDOC points than Crack Pipe Larry. That lead is only going to grow as Buffy road trips down later in the week. Right, Buffy? Anyway, rest in peace Crack Pipe.



So, Day 1, Salt Creek Grille, with the sort of California hip that just doesn't work in New Jersey, because frankly we have no idea what to do with it. I mean, it's just not enough to give us California architecture and turn us loose on it. We don't know what we're doing. They need to bring in some actual Californians to hang out in the bar with us, and train us to be cool. Lord knows there's enough profit margin in the drink prices to cover that.

Salt Creek Attendees: scugi, mrs. scugi, nancy hp, ska, tamps, BB, bobo, jeff, milot, dmile, billionaire pat worth, millionaire brandy, eman, dorian, donna, gman, su, lisa eman, trent, tmac, pods, lauren, anna, beth, yvette(non-goettle), randy, goettle, yvette, neufeld, mindy, dino

Scugi arrives first and therefore wins the title of 2007 TDDOC Kickoff Boy. Here is word for word what he told me upon my arrival: Place is fairly empty except for exceptional loudly laugh girl at back table. Peroni, goat cheese and marinara and the weekend edition of USA today, sitting on the bar, start the festival off with a bang. Nancy HP (Hogan-Perrine) is second in.. She and I start off the festivities with a rousing rendition of the Star Spangled Banner, and I climb on the bar to give a rousing kickoff speech. No response from the crowd other than a loud laugh from the back.
Back to stats author: Shame on Scugi. WHY is he there at the bar by himself, happily enjoying himself, when he could be giving someone a "WHHYYYYYY am I drinking alone!??!?!" call. Life is about opportunity. Don't miss it when it hits you in the face.

A band was playing. It was loud. It was not good. In my opinion. It seemed to be some sort of bluegrass/jazz fusion. I had this fantasy about walking over, grabbing the guitar, smashing it to the ground, and handing back the guitar neck with its splintered jagged edges. But then someone handed me a beer and I forgot all about it. I bought the band's CD the next day and it's spectacular.

Many people are drinking Peroni beer on tap. People! Doesn't it frighten you that this beer is made in Italy? Do you know what they do really, really well in Italy? I don't either, but it's not beer. I believe that there are some good wines, though, and I would really tend to label that as Italy's core alcohol production competency. Isn't drinking Italian beer akin to ordering a falafel in Japan or a taco in the Ukraine?

It was a big night for the loss of TDDOC virginity. There were a large number of first-time-ever point-getters (nancy hp, brandy, lauren, anna, beth, yvette(non-goettle), dino, melanie 123, jennifer), and the real test will be if any of these poor people come back again. Warning: It's ugly, it doesn't end well, and frankly, I'd advise against it.

Billionaire Pat Worth brought along a lady friend, and apparently they have gone through some hard times lately, as Pat is having trouble dealing with the fact that she is only a millionaire. On the bright side, though, she does like watching hockey ONLY for the fights. They fight in hockey? It makes me think of that old song "Brandy" from the seventies. I believe (I'm way too lazy to spend the 30 seconds to google it) the lyrics go "The sailors say Brandy...." and then something about her being a "fine girl". I'm not sure I picture a group of sailors calling any girl "fine", but then again, I may have the lyrics totally inaccurate, and if so, please make believe that this paragraph never existed.

In the "that's not news" department, at some point Bobo announces "I'm hungry", and proposes a road trip down Route 1 in search of food. Never mind that we are at a restaurant. No more yanky my wanky, the Bobo need food. This is a dangerous undertaking, frought with risk, as the no-repeat rules of the TDDOC dictate that anywhere we go is thus off-limits any other night. We settle on On the Border, and hit the road. OTB offers up beer in these huge goblets that are freezing cold, and frankly, way too big and dangerous to be entrusted to the care of someone who's already been drinking. What are they thinking? Bobo orders tons of food. We spot two women across the bar who seem very sad and not having fun. I decide they need shots. The bartender whips up some concoction, and of course, he's nice enough to give me one too. I round the bar to do the shots with our new found friends Melanie 123 and Jennifer, and find that actually they are quite happy and having fun, but due to some sort of lighting vortex in the bar, it looks quite the opposite from the other side of the bar. I go back to the other side of the bar, and they once again look sullen and unhappy. This is clearly a phenomenon unique to this one place in the world, as typically people look sullen and unhappy when I am talking to them, and cheerful and fun when I am away from them. Check it out sometime.....it might be a good homework assignment to go to the OTB on your own time and run some experiments. Or, have a conversation with me with a mirror nearby and see how sullen-looking you might become.

OTB road trip attendees: Bobo, Tamps, Ska, Goettle, Yvette, Eman, Melanie 123 (no particular significance to the 123, other than to distinguish her from our other Melanie, unless there is a significance that we don't know), Jennifer

Bobo also reports that the men's room at OTB smelled like a barn, and they had really good cheese soup. It's unclear at this point whether the two are related. He also believes that at some point Yvette actually had a lampshade on her head, although I'm not too sure that they have any lamps at OTB.

Perhaps as a revival of past tradition as part of Year 10 of the TDDOC, I may offer up a throwback to Year 1, when we created our own Twelve Days of Christmas song. Each day, the stat writer would offer up four suggestions, and the stat-writer of the following day could pick the one of their choice and offer up four more. Here goes:
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
-A huge bar tab in the Princeton Forrestal Center
-A missing Crack Pipe
-A splintered guitar neck
-A starving Bobo

Editor's addendum: Unfortunately most attendees were unable to enjoy one of the TDDOC's fine annual traditions the next morning, Massively Hung Over Gman. Usually this specific performance is saved for Day 12, but Gman offered up a special performance early this year while helping our friend Rachel move on Saturday morning.

Damage report. I actually don't think anything was damaged anywhere. Major disappointment. Please look to break, violate, lick inappropriately, or set fire to something as soon as possible, preferably tonight. Remember, if anyone sees it and says "WHO DID THIS?", you say, "It might have been this guy Crack Pipe Larry. He just left."

Wait, there was some sort of issue with Gman's parking light on this truck on Saturday morning. OK, I know it was one of you. WHO DID THIS?

Points total:
Eman 1
Ska 1
Gman 1
Su 1
Goettle 1
Yvette 1
BB 1
Pods 1
Tmac 1
Bobo 1
Tamps 1
Scugi 1
Mrs. Scugi 1
Nancy HP 1
Milot 1
DMile 1
Mindy 1
Dino 1
Jeff 1
Lisa Eman 1
Trent 1
Billionaire Pat Worth 1
Millionaire Brandy 1
Randy 1
Neufeld 1
Lauren 1
Anna 1
Beth 1
Yvette(non Goettle) 1
Dorian 1
Donna 1
Melanie 123 1
Jennifer 1

Day 1 location

For better or worse, here we go: Salt Creek Grille on Route 1 in Plainsboro NJ at the Princeton Forrestal Center. If that last sentence doesn't want to make you strap on a tweed jacket and smoke a pipe, I don't know what will. Let the games ensue. Day 1 is Friday Dec. 6......THIS Friday.

http://www.saltcreekgrille.com/

“Zagat Guide's acclaimed "Best Pork Chop on the planet."
Also known for its award-winning pork-chop flavored vodka.

2007 TDDoC Begins

Ahhhhh, darkness at 4:30, freezing cold air, the sweet melodies of frequent noseblows, and inescapable Christmas music in every nook and cranny of the face of the earth....it must mean....it's time for....

THE 11th ANNUAL (EXCEPT 1998) FESTIVAL OF.....THE TWELVE DRINKING DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (TDDoC)!!! aka Year 10 of the TDDoC, offering an artificial milestone anniversary that we can choose to celebrate in some neo-ridiculous way.

START DATE: FRIDAY, DEC. 7
LOCATION: TBD. Legendary traditional (in other words, really lame) Day 1 spot Charlie Brown's is closed due to repair or perhaps bandruptcy due to all of the raisin bread stolen from the salad bar over the years by Crack Pipe Larry. Day 1 spot to be identified soon.

Now for the details. For those that are new to the TTDDoC, I've included
the following Guidelines. For those that are familiar with the TTDDoC format,
you may still want to re-acquaint yourself. It's not as easy as riding a bike.

Guidelines-
1. For the purpose of the Festival, working days in which you could
drink AFTER WORK are considered "Drinking Days". (I know that the term
"Drinking Days" causes some controversy every year as it is easily and often argued
that every day is a "Drinking Day"). Traditionally the Festival begins on
the date that allows 12 "Drinking Days" to occur prior to Christmas
Day - This year it's the 7th of December. Unlike other chapters throughout the country (especially those in the greater San Jose area), there will be no special exceptions due to plant closings, postal holidays, moon/earth alignments or other such nonsense. The twelfth day of the event will as always occur on Dec. 24.

2. Attendance is scored by showing up and drinking with your friends,
colleagues, soon-to-be-friends, and assorted annoying bores. Any action to discourage someone from showing up simply because they have bad breath, poor eating manners, or are a pompous ass is severely frowned upon. This is good fodder for the stats (see guideline # 7). However, unwillingness to imbibe can of course be held as a strike against any otherwise worthy candidate.

Tradition has it that there is a one-drink minimum to be awarded a Point. Anyone on travel during The 12 Days & gathering in the spirit of The 12 Days will, of course, be considered participants if they 1) are actually drinking and 2) submit Stats. Phoning in alone does not enable point awardance but is highly encouraged to aid the home team in stats preparation. Drinking by yourself does not count, and drinking with some casual loser work friend if that loser is not involved in the larger effort does not count either. If you want a point for drinking with that casual loser work friend, you will need to drag them out to multiple mainstream TTDDoC events in order for your miserable time with
them to count. If you choose not to imbibe, NO POINT FOR YOU, however, we'd still like to see you out. Whoever has the highest Tally of Points
on Day Twelve will be awarded a coveted TDDoC trophy, and, as always, be obligated to abuse those that fell short in their quest to be the champion for their lameness. Never mind that
said trophy has NEVER been awarded. It sounds good on paper.

Far and away the most significant value of the point system is to incur
repeated heated discussions, fisticuffs, and "airing of the grievances".
Please keep this in mind and argue about points that you "should have had"
as often as possible.

3. Any adult-beverages consumed outside these events (weekends, from
the bottom-drawer at work, at breakfast.. .) is regarded as Practice for
The 12 Days and will not be scored. However, as in any hard-core sporting event, practice
is highly encouraged.

4. Events are to be held in a different pathetic central NJ (or perhaps other states, as long as they are east of the Delaware river) establishment
each of The 12 Days. Suggestions for events at further-away locations are, as always, highly encouraged, and yet, as always, highly unlikely.

5. Invitees are by no means limited to those addressed in this initial
distribution. This is an open invitation. Any stiff that you can drag out is more than welcome. Participants should also encourage breakout chapters in other sections of the country. Once again, the San Jose CA will also be in full working order. Or will it? Unfortunately, due to complications from Sarbanes-Oxley, the OJ Simpson legal trial, and public campaign for Congo the dog, the Dulles VA chapter was forced out of business.

6.Family events, work parties, watching Alf re-runs, having to "wash
your hair" that night, removal of bodily organs (aka "the kidney card", spending time with loved ones, etc. are to be
considered POOR excuses for missing TDDoC events. These may be important during
other parts of the year but during the TDDoC festivities, please try to focus on
what is really important, i.e. "Where are we drinking tonight?".

7. Which brings us to the daily Stats.

a) Stats are to be published the following day, with enough time to
prepare for that day's event (i.e. before/during lunch), by an elected or forced stat-writer. This
responsibility traditionally rotates between participants. Amendments
and/or additions to the original published Stats are not only welcome but,
in fact, encouraged (Different points of view can be awfully amusing). HOWEVER, rebuttals should stick to the general topic of TDDoC and the stats. Using the distribution list for sharing of personal jokes, "cool" newspaper articles, and/or naked pictures of one's own butt are highly discouraged and the author will be placed on distribution for every internet junk e-mail list possible.
b)The Stats have generally been a free-form record - Including, but
not limited to, the night's activities (should at least cover the basics,
where when who etc), discussion topics (politics, sports, fashion, WHATEVER),
liquids consumed (cooking/dipping oils and food condiment consumption are
especially welcome here) and any patriotic songs sung.
c)Include an announcement/proposal as to where the next night's gathering
is to be.
d)And the running Point Tally.
e)Stats are an ideal forum to introduce Suggested Topics for that night's
discussion. Throw out a topic or two you (the scribe) would like to see
tabled during the night's activities. This of course may (and likely will) be completely
ignored.
f)Stats of course need not be true!! Embellishment and downright manufacture of the details is
highly encouraged!
g) Note: Use of the word "scribe" itself is highly discouraged in East Coast chapters.

8. WHYYY?? call: It is standard for the first person who shows at that night's event to vent their frustration from having to sit at the bar by themselves like a huge loser by calling another participant on their cell phone and yelling "WHY????" into the phone, which is of course short for "WHY am I drinking alone?". Per custom, it is encouraged to then hang up the phone prior to allowing the recipient of the phone call to respond in any manner. No special bonuses are awarded for this other than the personal satisfaction of taking out your societal anger on an unsuspecting other party.

9. Contests, competitions, shenanigans: Contests such as no-repeat beer quest (not repeating a brand/style of beer for the entire 12 days), no-repeat tequila shots, drinking your drink out of another's shoe, duels at 20 paces, and of course footraces are highly encouraged.

10. Alleged celebrity sightings: Always encouraged, always highly unlikely. It is believed that there has been only a single alleged celebrity sighting in the history of the TDDoC: the alleged sighting of Lilleth from Cheers in the Main Street Bistro circa 1999. Please try for more, and if encountered do your best to engage them in either (1) drinking heavily or (2) mean-spirited fisticuffs.

11. Hard liquor of the day: The first person at the bar (or first person that cares to do so) is encouraged to name a hard liquor of the day, and all are encouraged to imbibe in said liquor at some point during the evening, be it in a mixed drink, shot, straight up, or pouring it over one's own head. Shouts of "ALRIGHT, WHERE'S THE HARD LIQUOR?" (copyright The Thomas E. Hawker Foundation) should of course accompany said activity.

So, without further adieu, clear out your calendar and load up your office desk drawer with hangover remedies!!

Final 2006 stats and awards are below:

Tom Eastman wrote:
From Bobo. Beautiful work. He's a poet and don't know it, or however that goes.

Alas, Day 12 was already upon us -

Twas the day before Xmas, in Princeton we did settle,
Not a creature was sober, not even Goettle;

Hangover's kept coming, as if in a trend,
In hope that this year's TDDoC would never come to an end;

Our merry band of revelers, however disheveled and tired,
Were mighty appreciative that they had not yet been fired;

When inside of Conte's, there was such a clamor,
This is not iambic pentameter, please pardon my grammar.

Once again beer was flowing, and many pizzas too,
As 24 of us showed up to see this thing through;

Now, Eman! now, Gman!, now OJ Mark and Stu!
On, Ska! on, Tamps! on Donna and Big Lou!

So here's to the two Pete's, with all their point scoring,
And to many days of stats that were sometimes vapid and boring;

But all good things must come to an end, yes even drinking beer,
Have a happy holiday and we'll see you next year.


After a careful auditing, here are the final 2006 totals:

2006 Final Scoring Results
Goettle 12
Scugi 12
Big Lou 11
Ska 11
Tamps 11
Eman 10
Donna 9
Other Joe’s Brother (OJ Marc) 9
Big Al 8
Gman 8
Big Al’s Pat 6
Dorian 6 (+2*)
Kimchick 6
Stu 6
Bobo 5
Mertz 5
Yo 5
Crack Pipe Larry's Business Card 4
DMilot 4
Laura 4
MD 4
Mel 4
Milot 4 (+2*)
Neufeld 4
Other Joe (OJ) 4
Rose 4
Su 4
Yvette 4
Billionaire Pat Worth 3
Colleen 3
Janna 3
Larry Not Crack Pipe (LNCP) 3
Maria Scugi 3
Sonya 3
Adrienne (Mrs Yo) 2
BB 2
Cheryl K 2
Cory W 2
Crack Pipe Larry 2
Julian 2
Lisa Eman 2
Maria the Swede 2
Polo 2
Randy 2
Rob (not Bob) 2
Roy O 2
Trent 2
Tytla 2
4 Mertz Angels 1 point each
Alice 1
Alyssa 1
Amato 1
Arunkone 1
Bennie 1
Blair 1
Buffy 1
Chorba 1
C Mertz 1
Conte's Waitress 1
Curt 1
Danielle 1
East Coast Julie 1
El Chorba 1
Erin the Red & White 1
Guffar 1
Illman 1
Illman friend Beth 1
Jeff 1
Kaden 1
Katherine 1
Megan 1
M. Taddei 1
Porsche Linda 1
Robin 1
Sage 1
Sir Nicholas of Bobo 1
TMAC 1
Tony Giacobbe (1*)
Tool 1
Uji 1
Whitney 1
assorted other Big Al friends 1