Day Nine was at Killarney’s Publick House in scenic rural Hamilton, NJ. This scenic town was of course founded by a group of Irish immigrants, who moved to New Jersey to escape the persecution of the ruling class of Ireland, who insisted that every year residents must go to happy hours 12 days in a row before Christmas. Why the “k” in “Publick”? I just don’t know, but then again, why is there a “k” in “know”?
The Publick House has come a long way from its roots. Today, this charming adult coffee shop serves up delicious dishes made from wild game, extinct birds of prey, and reptile roadkill. If you’re looking for some delicious Irish nachos, well then you’re going to need to go back to Day 1 and visit the Firkin Tavern. Its distinct Irish style was seen clearly in the plate after plate of hamburgers, nachos, wings, and quesadillas that were delivered to the TDDoC contingent. Without nachos and wings, the Irish clearly would not have been able to survive the famine of 1740.
The attendees are clearly mostly confused. Why? No stats have been published from the previous night. Why? WWHHHHHHYYYYYY???? Apparently some person impersonating Pods had volunteered to do the previous day’s stats, but in fact Pods’ email had been hacked and it was not him. The NSA is still investigating this security breach. There is scant evidence to find the perpetrator, but the one piece of evidence that officials have is that apparently the imposter also said something about the TDDoC being lame. Initial suspicions lead back to a certain former member of the TDDoC who went by a code name using all capital letters, but investigations continue. #mo
The attendees have huddled around a table in front of the bar, instead of the usual bullpen area behind the bar. The bullpen area is of course traditionally favored since it offers optimal viewing of the mayor of Killarney’s drinking more and more, and getting dangerously closer every moment to falling to the ground. A sighting of the mayor does occur later though, as he pushes and shoves his way through the TDDoC crowd to get out the front door, with a clear look of “I’m going to heave” on his face.
Plate after plate of food is ordered. Sandor has a huge plate of appetizers and is bravely battling through them. However, in the end, just like Monday at JoJo’s with the nacho plate, Sandor comes up short. “I’m not the man I used to be” was his summary of the experience. Trent is also soundly defeated by a plate of “mac and pork”, which is like a complete pork sandwich over top of a big wad of mac and cheese. Eman orders the death/body bag/carcass/cadaver burger, which is a hamburger with cheese steak, bacon, pork roll, and an egg on top. Not to be missed, unless you plan on living past the age of 50. Amato makes his first appearance of the year. The waitress comes up to him and says “Is there anything I can get for you Ron?”. When asked about his familiarity with the waitress, Ron offers only “I get around”. The bar has Sweet Baby Jesus on tap, which is a peanut butter porter. Nice, although it quickly kicks. In the “that’s not news” department, Su mentions that she hates the TDDoC.
It looks like the Rookie of the Year competition may come down to Rose’s daughter Kim, or potentially Rita if the Comite Secreto runs the analytics and determines that her Rookie status has not been voided due to occasional past year outings. Ska continues his quest to win the Warmest Man competition. During most nights he has kept on his jacket (fully zipped) and scarf, with not a hint of sweat. This as opposed to Gman, who becomes drenched at the mere sight of a chicken wing.
Eman suddenly realizes that Reese has not yet shown, giving him the opportunity to potentially take over the longest current TDDoC attendance streak title from her. He vows to keep an eye out for her in the parking lot, and going “Tanya Harding” on her legs to keep her from entering and getting a point. Of course a few moments later Eman has completely forgotten this devious plan and Reese walks in. Eman does confess the plan to her, and Reese shows her fascination with the plan by sharing “thanks for not beating me up.” Eman looks up and finds this creepy man across the way giving him a disturbing stare. Oh, wait, it’s Cole, and he’s not creepy. Well, for the most part he’s not. The look certainly was, though. It’s the look of “I’m going to kill someone in this bar, and I don’t know who yet, and…oh wait, it’s that guy over there”. Fortunately it was Cole, and not Mike the Homicidal Maniac, because if it were Mike tHM, he would have had the look AND that thought. Earlier in the day Sophia had expressed deep disappointment that Mike tHM had not been at the LEB the night before. Sophia didn’t show up tonight, so perhaps that was the only reason she was coming to the TDDoC.
Ska has met some new women…wait, it’s just the Jim Beam Honey shot girls doing a little marketing for the new Jim Beam Honey. They offer up free shots for several members of the crew, and they all report that it tastes delightful….ly awful. Whose idea was this mess? It tastes like Winnie the Pooh spilled a little bourbon in his honeypot. Now hopquila….that’s an idea. Yo engages the Honey girls in some banter on the latest David Blaine magic show and they are mesmerized. If Yo actually knew how to pull off the magic tricks himself, he’d be on the cover of People magazine.
Mertz shows up and regales the crew with stories of shopping at Victoria’s Secret with this wife. I had him pegged as more of a tighty whitey guy than silk and lace. Reese expresses disappointment that Mertz has chosen not to wear his Santa suit. He probably has something red and lacey and silky on underneath though.
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