2007 TDDOC Post-Season Awards

Blink and You’re Gone Award – Dex, for his appearance on Day 8 at the Americana. He popped into the room, shook someone’s hand, and was gone. Point! Wait, it seemed like every night I blacked out between 8 and 10PM. Maybe he was actually there for 2 hours and I just didn’t realize.

Twelve-Pack Award – In the “That’s not news” department, Goettle made all 12 days. For a change of pace, Gman opted not to have any bodily organs removed and made all 12. So did Su, Tamps, Ska, and Eman.

Coveted Purple Moose Award – I’m not really sure what this is, and no one else is either. Let’s keep it that way.

Performance Enhancing Drug Suspicion – Su, who nearly doubled her career points in one year, while simultaneously managing an infant and a series of incomprehensible odors from the person sleeping next to her. You don’t think a person can just do this without a little juice, can you?

Rookie of the Year Award – Mosso, for a mind-bending 5 days. How he found the time to break away from his postage stamp collection, we’ll never know.

Rookie of the Day Award – The mechanic. He really, really wanted to be Rookie of the Year, and drank about 12 days worth of alcohol during the TDDOC events. The only thing was that he was only there for one night. Good start, mechanic! Need more quantity and less quality next year. Or the other way around or something. Your rookie eligibility is still intact!

Most Embarrassing Moment – I’d rather not say, but if you want more information, Goettle will be happy to tell you about it, show you pictures, and maybe even draw some sketches.

Hey, Bud, Whatcha Got Under There? Award – No one, thankfully, did any exploration into what was lurking in the dark under Joe Willy’s kilt. Or maybe someone did and he just doesn’t remember.

Most Unlikely Attendee Award – Robinmandm, for going from a simple email saying “I got dropped from distribution, can I get back on”, to a “Who the heck is Robinmandm, I can’t remember”, to a google search, to a picture, to a TDDOC career stats search, to a Princeton Pub Crawl call to her home, to actual attendance. Nice work. This kind of Christmas miracle never could have happened with 1997’s technology.

Bury the Hatchet Award – (tie) Bobo and Goettle, for peacefully enjoying a post-game meal together on Day 3 without anyone’s manhood being assaulted, and Alli and Yo, for re-enacting the famous scene of Yo drinking water at the bar and Alli asking him “What, are you a p*ssy?” at City Streets.

Most Hated Place Award - Bobo for Salt Creek Grille. Just try having a conversation with Bobo without him jumping into a fit of rage spewing expletives about the Salt Creek Grille. Did anyone else have a problem with it? Not that I know of. Do they serve food? Their web site and menu suggests so. Do they serve alcohol? I'm certain that they do. I think he might hate it because G's parking light on his truck might have been damaged by their valet drivers. Or because he hated the band even more than Eman. Or because he knew he had to get us out of there to avoid missing the Windex shots at OTB. Regardless, if someone suggests the Salt Creek Grille next year, rest assured that a hatchet will never be buried with Bobo. This just in....opening night 2008 at Chili's.

Grandma’s Home Cooking Award – Al’s Airport Inn, for serving up those microwave pierogies just like the microwave that you have at home….only hotter.

American Chiropractic Society “Don’t Do This” Award – Goettle, for risking serious neck misalignment with his insistence on always getting the people set in the picture, and then cricking his neck back at a 90 degree angle to increase the lens field of view by 0.001 degrees.

Best Rendition of a Christmas Song Sung Karaoke Style – None. Honorary Mention: Big Lou, Goettle, Eman. I’m not sure who’s monotone singing voice can be heard clearly in the video snippet captured on Goettle’s camera, but Eman surely will not be appearing anytime soon on American Idol.

Licking Something Inappropriately Award – Donna, for taking the guidelines to heart and licking Eman’s nose. Eman would have strongly preferred that Donna’s review of that particularly event was not “it felt fuzzy”, but if that’s the way that her tongue feels to her, that’s Dorian’s problem.

California 3, Crack Pipe Larry 2 – Final score of the California/Crack Pipe Larry game. Total miles traveled out of way to attend: California approximately 18,000, Crack Pipe Larry less than 1.

“How Could They Do This to Us?” Award – Charlie Brown’s on Route 1 in West Windsor, for remodeling or something during the TDDOC. DON’T they KNOW that that is our traditional Day 1 stop? Sure, it really $ucks, but it’s OUR $ucky Day 1 place.

Pass the Torch Award - Chaty, for showing some youthful vigor in returning in 2007 with a vengeance in his sophomore year and bringing out several friends in the process. Never mind that fact that the friends and his girlfriend all had the same "Why are you hanging out with these old losers?" look on their faces. Chaty didn't care. It's amazing how youthful he is considering that he was born in 1964 like many of us.

Tell It Like It Is Award – Graffiti was observed on the men’s bathroom stall wall in Isaac Newton’s that said “F*ck PA”. You can’t tell me that wasn’t from someone in our group. You know who you are. Fess up. Someone from PA please return the favor in NJ next year.

End of An Era – Goettle got a cell phone, finally, during the TDDOC. He’s now available to give and receive “WHHHYYYYY?????” calls. You really don’t think he wanted it for any other reason, do you?

Century Marks – Ska hit 100 career points on Day 5 at Newton’s. If you didn’t buy him a beer that night, shame on you. Buy one for me next time to make yourself feel better. Gman and Eman hit 100 career points on Day 9 at Big Fish. No one has the capability to hit 100 in 2008, so feel free to forget about this for a while. If you only have one career point so far, don’t be discouraged. With a little bit of dedication you could be at the century mark in early December 2015.

Quickest to Annoy the Family Award – Eman, for being greeted at home by his wife on Day 2 with the statement “I HATE the TDDOC!”.

Nickname Proclamation – Yes, everyone wants a nickname, and everyone wants a cool nickname, but we can’t all be Crack Pipe Larry. Well, we could, but we just choose not to. However, in trying to compile the career point totals, it’s been discovered that names like Bob and Mike make it very difficult to keep track. Therefore, in the future, nicknames are going to be flying off of the shelves. Just don’t be bummed though if yours is “Tamps’ friend Jim’s co-worker Mary”. To escape that, you’re just going to have to break, steal, or have inappropriate relations with something.

Most Ridiculous 2008 TDDOC Prediction – Big Lou meets Paris Hilton at a charity benefit for house pets with chafing in their inner thighs (both sets). They stay in touch, and he convinces her to come out Day 1. She ends up attending all days, is the 2008 Rookie of the Year, and Big Lou ends up in People magazine as one of the “100 Hottest Hunks”.

This Bar Rocks, I Can’t Believe We Missed It Awards – Nottingham Tavern, Firkin’ Tavern, Katmandu, Triumph, Tir Na Nog, Fezziwig’s, Ivy, Tiger’s Tale, HOB Tavern, etc. Yes, we know that these are all better than every place that we went, and they all have better food, cheaper drinks, and more attractive people for Goettle to photograph. Except Fezziwig’s….Tamps really hates that place and he doesn’t hate anything. But we didn’t go to any of these places, so live with it. Next year, fight harder to go there. You’re probably right.