Day 1 Stats: The Convergence

Ahhh - Glorious Day 1 was finally at hand - but wait, was it really Day 1? Yes indeed it was for the NJ chapter. But for the fledgling PA franchise it was now Day 2 and for the West Coast chapter it was like

Day 6 already but who gives a crap about them and how they count (oh and eff Peterman whoever he is - the CPL of the WC TDDoC).

Day 2 Location: Before I go any further, I should RAMROD home that we will be at Pete's (not Goettle) Steakhouse Tavern, 523 White Horse Ave, Hamilton, NJ for Day 2. (could not find a website). It's on the corner of White Horse-Mercerville and White Horse Ham Square Rds. Additional parking in the rear (Ohhhhhhh!). Looks like the best way to get there is off 295 from the Arena drive exit - then left on White Horse. Some of the NJ crew did a rehearsal dry run here last week on Day -4. Great food, friendly locals, OK beer selection and a big buxom barmaid with an IQ of 50.

hyperlink to map for Pete's



Once again, for the 2nd straight year, we were without our tradish old reliable Day 1 locale - CBs - which appears to be forever under remodeling/new ownership. Rumors abound of it being turned into an Indian restaurant or a library sadden what's left of my soul.

However, this day was historic for a few reasons:
1 - it was the first unification/conglomeration/convergence of both the NJ and PA chapters at the same venue (hopefully more to come)
2 - Bobo had a real live neighbor in tow proving they were not just cardboard cutouts hanging out and drinking in his driveway
3 - Rumors that another fledgling TDDoC franchise had sprung to life in of all places Buffalo, NY (I knew we should have copyrighted this thang)

Ahhh Glorious Day 1!

We began to assemble at the Firken Tavern in Ewing, NJ. Cheap food (50 cent Tacos, half price happy hour apps), great beer selection, giant Jenga, pool table, a few local hotties and it was College Night – what more could you ask for? It's no Salt Creek Grille though...

Day 1 Attendees in no particular order: Bobo neighbor Kurt, Bobo, El Chorba, El Chorba work friends Wendy, Karen, Michelle, John, Wendy friend Tommy, Mosso (2007 Rookie of the Year), Cole, Tamps, Katherine, Laura (arm in sling due to another senseless biking accident), Tamps friends Rich T, Pam T, Jeff T (no relation to Tamps despite all the
T's), Dorian, Donna, Jag, Sharon H, Sharon A, Eman, Trent Eman, El Eman, Milot, Lou D, Goettle, CPL, OJ Marc, OJ Marc friend Sean, other OJ Marc friend Steve, Gman, Su, Maureen D, Eric T, Bill H, Conway, Mrs Conway, Mrs Conway sister, Mrs Conway sister husband, Conway niece, Kaden (nice!), Felicia, Jason, Jeremy V, Mike C.

First to arrive was Bobo neighbor and newbie Kurt who fumbled the Whyyyyyy! call duties. Bobo arrives and quickly covers with a Whyyyyyy call to Eman. Bobo thinks about goin' round the world on the 24+ taps but Ska is nowhere to be found so what's the point? Speaking of Ska, he has an excused absence with duties in The Hague (quick - name another city with "the" in it?). Reports are that he is really there to update his wardrobe with some fancy euro pants (zippers, buttons and snaps) - his old pair ripped due to the size of his massive te$ticles (can you say ball$ deep) and from bangin' cocktail waitresses two at a time. Other excused absences are for Scugi and BB who are abroad making sure there is no shortage of alcohol for all these TDDoC chapters that are cropping up. They should be back by Friday (Day 4). All other no shows deserve a big $uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck call. This includes Mertz, Big Lou, Pods, Yo, MD, Kimchick, ex-Billionaire P. Worth. Eff you guys.

On the first day of TDDoC, Goettle gave to me - one disturbing photo of me peeing in the men's room. WTF? By the way, where does one take a dump in that little closet off the bar they call a men's room? All I saw was 1 sink, 1 urinal, 1 trash can and 1 floor that looked (and smelled) like the monkey cage at the zoo. Yikes.

There was a birthday in the house - Tamps friend Laura (with arm in sling) celebrated with several friends some of which who had a back door connection to Bobo neighbor Kurt via BMS. Could there be a BMS chapter in the making?

Appearance of the Gman was frightening - decked out in his Godfather suit - if he were to kiss me on both cheeks (on my face), I knew a hit on me would follow from the Club 10 crew.

There was some mischief with Sharon A and her boot but Bobo refused to drink from it (forever scarred from the Mertz loafer incident 10 years ago).

Despite a massive $ucccccccccck! call earlier, CPL makes a heroic appearance at the end of the evening and actually has 2 beers - Bravo!

It's real early but Rookie of the Year (ROY) candidate in NJ is up in the air - could be the guy/girl next to you right now - look out!

All of us out by 10:30 or so except Sharon H and Lou D - Sharon H is shaping up to be MVD for the PA crew. Sharon A refused to follow Bobo all the way up Rt 29 (Ohhhhh!) for the return trip to Pennsyltucky despite Eman's pleas.

Pix for Day 1 can be found at:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/46186008@N00/collections/72157611008444548/

All Important Point Totals (all have 1; collect all 12):
Bill H
Bobo
Cole
Conway
Conway brother in law Roger
Conway niece Ann
Conway sister in law Joan
Conway wife Jean
CPL
Donna
Dorian
El Chorba
El Eman
Eman
Eric T
Felicia
Gman
Goettle
Jag
Jason
Jeff T (Tamps friend)
Jeremy V
John (Chorba work friend)
Kaden
Karen (Chorba work friend)
Katherine
Kurt (Bobo neighbor)
Laura
Lou D
Maureen D
Michelle (Chorba work friend)
Mike C
Milot
Mosso
OJ Marc
Pam T (Tamps friend)
Rich T (Tamps friend)
Sean (OJ Marc friend)
Sharon A
Sharon H
Steve (OJ Marc friend)
Su
Tamps
Tommy (Wendy friend)
Trent Eman
Wendy (Chorba work friend)

2008 Begins on the 9th

Ahhhhh, darkness at 4:30, freezing cold air, the sweet melodies of frequent noseblows, and inescapable Christmas music in every nook and cranny of the face of the earth....it must mean....it's time for....

THE 12th ANNUAL (EXCEPT 1998) FESTIVAL OF.....THE TWELVE DRINKING DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (TDDoC)!!! This year's theme is the economy. What could be more American than coming to a bar and spending your money on American alcoholic liquids and putting hops growers, potato growers, and grape stompers across the US back to work? Caution….some of those alcoholic liquids have been produced by non-American companies in France. Please discourage your co-revelers from drinking non-American.

START DATE: TUESDAY, DEC. 9
LOCATION: Firkin' Tavern, West Trenton, NJ (a hop skip but no jump from route 1 corridor). Legendary traditional (in other words, really lame) Day 1 spot Charlie Brown's is still closed due to repair or perhaps bankruptcy due to all of the raisin bread stolen from the salad bar over the years by Crack Pipe Larry. Rejoice that the Day 1 location has been chosen and advertised this early. This will be the last time during this event that you will be this happy.

Now for the details. For those that are new to the TDDoC, I've included the following Guidelines. For those that are familiar with the TDDOC format, you may still want to re-acquaint yourself. It's not as easy as riding a bike. It's almost as easy as drinking, but not quite.

Guidelines-
1. For the purpose of the Festival, working days in which you could drink AFTER WORK are considered "Drinking Days". (I know that the term "Drinking Days" causes some controversy every year as it is easily and often argued that every day is a "Drinking Day"). Traditionally the Festival begins on the date that allows 12 "Drinking Days" to occur prior to Christmas Day - This year it's the 9th of December. Unlike other chapters throughout the country (especially those in the greater San Jose area and west of the Delaware River in general), there will be no special exceptions due to plant closings, postal holidays, moon/earth alignments or other such nonsense. The twelfth day of the event will as always occur on Dec. 24.

2. Attendance is scored by showing up and drinking with your friends, colleagues, soon-to-be-friends, other peoples' neighbors, and assorted annoying bores. Any action to discourage someone from showing up simply because they have bad breath, poor eating manners, or are a pompous a$$ is severely frowned upon. This is good fodder for the stats (see guideline # 7). However, unwillingness to imbibe can of course be held as a strike against any otherwise worthy candidate. Agreeing to participate in an "a$$-off" is generally considered as a reasonable substitute for drinking, unless you are a man.

Tradition has it that there is a one-drink minimum to be awarded a Point. Anyone on travel during The 12 Days & gathering in the spirit of The 12 Days will, of course, be considered participants if they 1) are actually drinking and 2) submit Stats. Please note that the official TDDOC definition of "considered" is "not considered". Phoning in alone does not enable point awardance but is highly encouraged to aid the home team in stats preparation. Drinking by yourself does not count, and drinking with some casual loser work friend if that loser is not involved in the larger effort does not count either. If you want a point for drinking with that casual loser work friend, you will need to drag them out to multiple mainstream TDDOC events in order for your miserable time with them to count. Whoever has the highest Tally of Points on Day Twelve will be awarded a coveted TDDoC trophy, and, as always, be obligated to abuse those that fell short in their quest to be the champion for their lameness. Never mind that said trophy has NEVER been awarded. It sounds good on paper.

Far and away the most significant value of the point system is to incur repeated heated discussions, fisticuffs, and "airing of the grievances". Please keep this in mind and argue about points that you "should have had" as often as possible.

3. Any adult-beverages consumed outside these events (weekends, from the bottom-drawer at work, at breakfast.. .) is regarded as Practice for The 12 Days and will not be scored. However, as in any hard-core sporting event, practice is highly encouraged.

4. Events are to be held in a different pathetic central NJ (or perhaps other states, as long as they are east of the Delaware river) establishment each of The 12 Days. Suggestions for events at further-away locations are, as always, highly encouraged, and yet, as always, highly unlikely.

5. Invitees are by no means limited to those addressed in this initial distribution. This is an open invitation. Any stiff that you can drag out is more than welcome. Participants should also encourage breakout chapters in other sections of the country. Once again, the San Jose CA will also be in full working order, and rumor has it that another chapter may have been chartered west of the Delaware. Unfortunately, due to complications from Sarbanes-Oxley, the OJ Simpson legal trial, and public campaign for Congo the dog, the Dulles VA chapter has received a $20 billion subsidy from the US government yet still cannot square up on previous bar bills and is defunct.

6.Family events, work parties, watching Alf re-runs, having to "wash
your hair" that night, removal of bodily organs (aka "the kidney card"), spending time with loved ones, etc. are to be considered POOR excuses for missing TDDoC events. These may be important during other parts of the year but during the TDDoC festivities, please try to focus on what is really important, i.e. "Where are we drinking tonight?".

7. Which brings us to the daily Stats.

a) Stats are to be published the following day, with enough time to prepare for that day's event (i.e. before/during lunch), by an elected or forced stat-writer. This responsibility traditionally rotates between participants. Amendments and/or additions to the original published Stats are not only welcome but, in fact, encouraged (Different points of view can be awfully amusing). HOWEVER, rebuttals should stick to the general topic of TDDoC and the stats. Using the distribution list for sharing of personal jokes, "cool" youtube videos, and/or naked pictures of one's own butt are highly discouraged and the author will be placed on distribution for every Internet junk e-mail list possible.

b)The Stats have generally been a free-form record - Including, but not limited to, the night's activities (should at least cover the basics, where when who etc), discussion topics (politics, sports, fashion, WHATEVER), liquids consumed (cooking/dipping oils and food condiment consumption are especially welcome here) and any patriotic songs sung.

c) Include an announcement/proposal as to where the next night's gathering
is to be.

d) And the running Point Tally.

e) Stats are an ideal forum to introduce Suggested Topics for that night's discussion. Throw out a topic or two you (the scribe) would like to see tabled during the night's activities. This of course may (and likely will) be completely ignored.

f) Stats of course need not be true!! Embellishment and downright manufacture of the details is highly encouraged!

g) Note: Use of the word "scribe" itself is highly discouraged in East Coast chapters.

8. WHYYY?? call: It is standard for the first person who shows at that night's event to vent their frustration from having to sit at the bar by themselves like a huge loser by calling another participant on their cell phone and yelling "WHY????" into the phone, which is of course short for "WHY am I drinking alone?". Per custom, it is encouraged to then hang up the phone prior to allowing the recipient of the phone call to respond in any manner. No special bonuses are awarded for this other than the personal satisfaction of taking out your societal anger on an unsuspecting other party. Anyone caught making a bogus "WHYYY??" call (NOT the first one at the bar, NOT alone at the bar, or NOT even at the bar) may be subjected to a "NUTKX", which is a Windows Vista software module which will provide the user with a swift kick to the privates upon next logon to work computer as punishment for violation of important social norms. NUTKX may also be provided manually by the recipient of the bogus WHYYY?? call or by the bartender.

9. Contests, competitions, shenanigans: Contests such as no-repeat beer quest (not repeating a brand/style of beer for the entire 12 days), no-repeat tequila shots, drinking your drink out of another's shoe, duels at 20 paces, and of course footraces are highly encouraged.

10. Alleged celebrity sightings: Always encouraged, always highly unlikely. It is believed that there has been only a single alleged celebrity sighting in the history of the TDDoC: the alleged sighting of Lilleth from Cheers in the Main Street Bistro circa 1999. Please try for more, and if encountered do your best to engage them in either (1) drinking heavily or (2) mean-spirited fisticuffs.

11. Hard liquor of the day: The first person at the bar (or first person that cares to do so) is encouraged to name a hard liquor of the day, and all are encouraged to imbibe in said liquor at some point during the evening, be it in a mixed drink, shot, straight up, or pouring it over one's own head. Shouts of "ALRIGHT, WHERE'S THE HARD LIQUOR?" (copyright The Thomas E. Hawker Foundation) should of course accompany said activity.

12. Pre-season: According to Tamps, there is no pre-season and no points for any efforts shall be awarded….according to Tamps. I'm just sayin'.

So, without further adieu, clear out your calendar and load up your office desk drawer with hangover remedies!!

Decruitment at Americom

So what's all this then? We heard about some changes at SES. Combining New Skies with Americom into one operation. Hmm, who wins this one? The bloated bureaucratic boat based in The Hague (dude, that's in Holland) or the old RCA money-making machine in Princeton? Alas, let us think about this one, mates. Severance for Euro-based employees must be at least 2 years salary and who knows what else. The U.S. headcount is a bargain, with a few weeks per year of service. Seems simple. But wait, they're getting rid of old people, African-Americans, women. Uh-oh, better check ethics:

Use merit, qualifications (e.g. education, experience, competencies, etc.) and other job-related criteria, complying with applicable laws, as the sole bases for all employment-related decisions affecting employees and applicants.

Throw in a re-org where the Euros run the show and you've got yourself a winner. Remember, the E in SES does not stand for "equality" (Société Européenne des Satellites). What's next? Destroy engineering -- especially those with good opinions based on fact.

No, I'm not bitter. I just need a drink.

MUTO

MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo.

Edison Greenwaaaaay!

Conveyor Bob and I opted out of the DTBDRHH and instead rode the not-yet-ready Edison Greenway. Starting where the Greenway will cross over U.S. Route 1 behind the A&P in Tano Mall (photo above), we followed the old Lehigh Valley Railroad -- "route of the black diamond" -- grade and service road for about 7 miles. Mud, sometimes colored blue and orange (superfund, baby), big puddles, old factories & warehouses and a forest. Yes, kids, a forest in Edison. This is the area surrounding the Dismal Swamp, and the Triple C Ranch -- that freaked us out. WTF is this farm doing here? Goats, horses, chickens -- right in the middle of the 4th largest city in New Jersey!




The LVRR's Perth Amboy branch had a stop in Metuchen, then continued on to South Plainfield. Very cool trail, which will continue south toward the Woodbridge Center Mall. We returned to Metuchen via blacktop, passing by the Metuchen Golf & Country Club. Fuck golf.

New Jersey if full of irony. Concrete and dirt. Trucks and bicycles. Band-Aids and Tomatoes.

This is, after all, the Garden State.

Had a Blue Moon afterwards. That's when I realized it was a good thing to opt out of the big event. I can't ride buzzed.

Ghost Rider

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

DT's Burning Daylight Rolling Happy Hour #8

Dave Tampellini's Burning Daylight Rolling Happy Hour (DTBDRHH) is going to be held on Friday June 20, 2008.

Here is how this works:

Meet at Washington's Crossing Park in New Jersey at the parking lot by the river, bicycles ready, at 5:00 PM EDT. We will ride north on the tow path on the New Jersey side of the Delaware River. The goal, as per custom, is to ride to Lambertville and New Hope and stop in several of the establishments for refreshments and then ride back to Washington's Crossing before it gets completely dark.

Well...this is a goal and I don't think anyone has ever made it back before dark. This is a rain or shine event. Please mark you calendars.

And if you don't have a bicycle, or can't ride, or simply refuse to ride, that is fine too. You should come out anyway; we would love to see you. Updates, rules, venues, and hazard locations will be e-mailed in the coming days.

Let me know if you would like to be removed from this mailing; also you can tell anyone and everyone you know about it. We would love to see them too.

My best to you all, and eff Larry,

Ska


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