Day 12 Stats - by the G-man

Get your 2014 stats here!

We returned to Wildflowers -- our typical Day 12 location.  In years past Day 12 has seen a massively hungover Gman sit at the table at Wildflowers, head in hand, swearing off alcohol, and wondering how he came to such a miserable pass.  Not 2014.  This year on Day 11 G-man took it easy and strode into Day 12 with mirth and merriment hoisting beers.

When I walked into the bar area, I see what appears to be Dorian and Donna sitting at the bar having a drink.  My first thought was to go over and greet them, then I thought, “Why would Donna and Dorian leave that weed-smoking, gun-toting, Peyton Manning-loving utopia in Colorado for New Jersey?  What if that is not really Donna and Dorian, and really they are pods (not to be confused with Pods), and they are here to infiltrate the East Coast TDDoC, wreak havoc among the membership, and then obliterate for good the nonexistent secret committee.”  I quickly devise a plan that will expose them if they are pods.  I will ask a couple everyday nonchalant questions and if they respond incorrectly their treachery will be exposed for all to see.

So I casually walk over and greet them.  With the trap now set, I am ready to spring it.   I say, “it’s nice weather out today… what was the pitch count when Hank Aaron hit his 715th home run and who was pitching?”  They respond, “What the hell are you talking about?  G-man, you are nuts!”  Whew.  That is the expected response.  It seems that my overactive imagination has kicked into hyper-drive since I have been away from work for two weeks.   I had delusions of saving the TDDoC and songs being sung and tales being told about my heroic deeds.

Day Twelve features extensive calculations to determine the price of pizza/beer/soda, reunions of family members with loved ones that they have not seen over the last 12 days

As is custom, Day Twelve is a family day -- the Bobo’s, Goettle’s, E-man’s, Scugi’s and G-man’s are all in attendance

The Awards

2014 Purple Moose Award (PMA) – E-man, G-man, Goettle, Lisa E-man, Ska, and Scugi.  This coveted award goes out to the TDDoCers that made it out to all 12 days. The winners get their names etched in super-secret invisible ink on the sacred chalice only decipherable by Tajny Komitet.

2014 Rookie of the Year (RotY) award - Kim. This special award goes to a drinker who is relatively new to the TDDoC and who puts out a decent effort at attendance. Kim is new to the TDDOC and attended a whopping seven days this year.

Long Distance Participation (LDP) award – Oliver Jones.  This award goes to the participant who travels the farthest to receive a point.  Oliver crossed time zones, continents and an ocean to attend.

Intercontinental Long Distance Participation (ICLDP) award – Russ, Donna and Dorian.  These TDDoCers traveled across the great continental divide to get points. (Ok, ok. They did not cross the continental divide but they did cross the mighty Mississippi.)

New Stat Writer (NSW) award – Cory Williams.  This award goes to an individual willing to put his/her literary talents on display on very short notice.  On Day Eight, Cory was called upon to write stats.  He answered the call despite being constantly hounded to hurry up.

Comeback Drinker of the Year (CDotY) award – Billy Bob.  This award goes to someone who is not out that often but puts in a good attempt to show participate.  After recent years of 1 or 2 nights of attendance, BB put in a strong 5 days straight of attendance.

Noticeably Absent – Benny, (the B&N connection) MD, Allie, Jana, Mindy, Jeff, Frank , Cheryl, the Lockheed Martin crew who moved to Denver, Uji, Cory Mertz, E-man on a Stick. These stalwart TDDoCers failed to make it out this year

Day 11 Stats -- Musings from Trent and Geottle

To all of my TDDoC compadres,

The Chimp, Tajny Komitet, and I are absolutely exhausted.   If you will forgive the delay, here are the Day 11 Stats totally unedited and in their raw form.  I usually don't do this type of thing.   But I just don't give a cr@p at this point.

First, we hear from my good friend, perspective Lafayette alumnus, and just heckava kid, Trent:

I’m going to give a quick disclaimer now that almost all of the following is from the Gman-Eman family table.  That’s where I stayed for most of the night because standing takes, ya know, exercise.

Honestly, as I write these, I’m not even sure if I’m supposed to be writing stats or not.  I was hazily assigned stats by Goettle as I left Dacey’s premises and I don’t know if anybody else was even aware of what was going on.  Besides, I was pretty much brain dead at that point- it’s hard work pretending to be busy on your phone for two and a half hours while your dad drinks countless beers and the waiter takes a fortnight to give you a soda.

So there you have it. My night at Dacey’s. I specifically remember some really good wings (I thought honey barbecue was best, and I think I’m a reputable source since I tried 4 of their 6 flavors).  I also heard that the wings were half priced, but that may have been a rumor since I didn’t bother to confirm it (I don’t pay for my meals, how else do you think my parents could get me to come to bars for 12 straight nights???). Other highlights of the night included Andrew’s strike on the bowling video game, Gman telling Andrew that Santa called him a pig and is gonna burn his A$* on Christmas, and Gman telling Su “This is the last beer. After this we are gone gone GONE gone gone.”  Meanwhile, as he says this, I’m picturing him leaving so fast that a cartoon dust cloud in the shape of a Gman will appear like a looney tunes episode. (The beer being described is the beer “Andrew” is holding above).  I may interject to say that might have been the slowest beer I’ve ever seen drank- or maybe its drunk, or drunken. I don’t know the correct terminology.

Tomorrow is day 12… of my senior year… next year I’ll be in college when TDDoC rolls around! I don’t know if this will severely hurt my point total, but it surely can’t help it.  Oh, the agony.  More on this subject will be revealed as we get closer to this time frame.  (And no, to all those wondering, I don’t have a first choice college as of right now).
See you guys all at Conte’s tomorrow.  Wait, we have to go to Wildflowers AGAIN because they don’t want us back after the Ska incident of 2009?!? (Don’t as him about it- it’s a sensitive topic and he doesn’t remember much of it anyway). How could they not wait for the best customers of the year to barge in and experience the fine dining atmosphere they’ve all been craving? Lunacy.  See you there at day 12!
p.s. sorry if these stats are kind of all over the place, it was written hours after most conventional people go to bed.

 ---        Trent

Thanks to Trent for that excellent piece.   I also received this thing from my good friend, Princeton reject (er, UPenn alumnus), and a wonderful humanitarian, Goettle.

So we’ve completed 11 days of this the 2014 edition of the TDDoC and still no respect. G leone, tamp leone, e leone, sophia loren – all ramrodding the places we’ve visited. They say they’re taking care of me. Taking care of me?! They’re kids! Did you ever think about that? Huh? Did you ever once think about that?! Send goettle off to this, send goettle off to do that! Let goettle take care of buying us our beers, our rum, our grey goose! Send goettle to pick up some young chicks to expand our group! I’m older, and I was stepped over! Sure that’s the way CPL leone wanted it. But it ain’t the way I wanted! I can handle things! I’m smart! Not like everybody says! Like, dumb. I’m smart, and I want respect!!!!

And I’m not the first. There was this kid I grew up with; he was younger than me. Sorta looked up to me, you know. We worked our way out of the street … later on he had an idea to frequent "adult entertainment establishments" to help put young women through college. That kid’s name was BIG LOU. As much as anyone, I loved BIG LOU. This was a great man, a man of doublevisions. And there isn’t even a plaque, or a signpost or a stature of him at any of these "adult entertainment establishments”. Someone spat in his drink and made him violently ill. No one knows who gave the order. When I heard, I wasn’t angry; I knew BIG LOU, I knew he was head-strong, talking loud, saying stupid things. So when he stopped coming out, I let it go. And I said to myself, this is the business we’ve chosen! I didn’t ask who gave the order, because it had nothing to do with our business!

Let me bring you in on a little secret. I have plans for the future. I'm gonna wipe everyone out. Just my enemies. There many things my father taught me right here, right where I'm typing these stats. He taught me to keep my friends close, but my enemies closer. You'll notice tamp leone didn't make it out last night.

Coincidence? Tell me what you really think.

OK.  That was a little frightening.