TDDoC 2013: Day 12 Stats by Gman

Day Twelve Stats and Season Wrap-up

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly 
As I reflect on the this year’s TDDoC I can’t help but think of this old Clint Eastwood western (imagine that whistling sound and tumbleweeds rolling through a near empty town): The Good - On Day One seeing folks I have not seen in about 365 days - The Bordentown Pub Crawl - On Day Four I got to see the B&N crew - On Day Twelve good pizza, Sweet Baby Jesus - The Bartenders: Danielle and Gina (BF), and Courtney (Killarney’s) The Bad - The noises that my stomach makes every night because the acid in my stomach is constantly fighting the wings and beer and losing, fortunately for me, or any uni-kidneyed TDDoCer, the liver is processing the wings and beer. But it is sick of the abuse and every December the liver packs up and heads to Florida for the month. - Those who did not make it out this year. - Bartenders at The Tap Room The Ugly – Pods’ foiled attempt at buying Russ a beer with Russ’ money that turned into embezzlement (gotta like the Princeton Pub Crawl) - Trying to decide where to go that last Monday (Day Eleven) and futilely trying to get Eman to jump on the grenade, only to end up at Houlihan’s (which actually was not that bad)

Day Twelve has arrived. One might think that after the previous eleven days of drinking, storytelling, sleepless nights, headaches in morning, and tummy trouble in the afternoon, and then just to start it all over again in the evening, that these broken souls and busted relationships of the TDDoC would somehow slow this crew down… however, from the moment that we step into Wildflower’s, it was on and poppin’.

Gman and family (the aforementioned “spare parts”) are first to arrive and Gman orders a coke in an attempt to put out last night’s fire that is still smoldering from within. When Eman arrives and notices Gman sipping on soft drinks, he states “What are you doing? You do realize there are no points for that soda. Continue if you must but there will be no points. If you need to put that fire out, put it out with some Sierra Nevada!”. To which Gman sheepishly replies, “I just waiting for everyone, let’s start with the pitchers now.” Drinking begins, and the fire will soon turn into a three-alarm uncontrollable raging inferno.

Pizza arrives… More people arrive… more pitchers arrive… more pizza arrives

However, before the crowd grows too large, Su and Lisa are doing some sort of calculation using logarithms and long division to ensure that the tab gets settled properly. In years past this has been an issue, sticking the last unhappy souls with a fat bill. I am not sure what went into those calculations, but the bill was resolved without anyone having to take out a second mortgage on their home.

Bobo and Nick arrive. Bobo appears to be alternating sons - Ben last year and Nick this year. Bobo orders the tradish sausage, onion and garlic. Mosso orders an Astro Thermal Group favorite: sliced tomatoes and garlic (they used chopped tomatoes but still pretty good).

Reese sends a 12:30 text saying “In car, on way, there will be TROUBLE if I arrive and everyone is gone".

The return of Jamie Scugi… score… once the future of the franchise but she has since moved away and only home to see the parents for the holiday.

Corry and Michelle Paige make it to their first Day 12 luncheon.

After the $500 plus tab was settled there was nostalgic attempt to shift the party to Shop Rite Liquors on the other side of the circle. TDDoC veterans and historians know that the Pennington Circle Shop Rite Liquors was one of the TDDoC inaugural year locales (way) back in 1997. The TTDoC has not returned to Shop Rite since then, not because it sucks, simply because we have not. Well we still have not because those attempts came up empty as the duties of Xmas were too heavy. Or perhaps, the TDDoCer’s are actually getting tired of drinking -- nah, that can’t be it.

Awards 

2013 Purple Moose Award (PMA) - Eman, Gman, Goettle, Reese, Ska, Tamp, and Yo. This coveted award goes out the TDDoCer’s that made it out to all 12 days. The winners get their names etched in super-secret invisible ink on the sacred chalice only decipherable by Tajny Komitet.

2013 Rookie of the Year (RotY) - Rita. This special award goes to a drinker who is relatively new to the TDDoC and who puts out a decent effort at attendance. Rita attended 6 days, so it seems fitting.

Comeback Drinker of the Year Award (CDotYA) - Benny. This award goes to a drinker that has a spike in attendance after a layoff period. After very weak attendance from 2010 – 2012 (1, 1, and 3), he stepped up his 2013 effort to 6 days.

Most Valuable Drinker (MVD) Award - Reese and Yo. This award goes to a drinker who shows consistent drinking effort, this was Yo’s first PMA and a couple times this year Reese was the first to show up to make the WHY??? call. It is also believed that Reese has the longest active streak attending every night beginning in 2010; the archivists are verifying this fact.

Big Lou Lameness Award (BLLA) - Pods. This dubious and not-so-coveted title goes to the drinker who claims the TDDoC and many of its participants are lame because the TDDoC does not provide sufficient entertainment to his/her life and while never asking “What value have I brought to the TDDoC?”

Most Gleeful Moment (MGM) - BB returns to the Ivy Tavern. BB's triumphant return to Ivy Tavern is now part of TDDoC lore. The story goes that he walked in and exclaimed “like MacArthur in the Philippines, I have returned and like Julius Caesar in Rome Veni, Vidi, Vici.”

Most Pathetic Display of Drinkmanship (MPDoD) - Gman and Su at the Princeton Pub Crawl. (Day Ten) At this event Gman and Su were in and out so fast that the slow bartenders at the Tap Room barely got an opportunity to completely ignore them. (Rumor has it that this award will be called the CPL award in the future, for obvious reasons.)

Most Coat/Scarf Wearing (MC/SW) - Ska. No matter the occasion, weather conditions, length of stay, or the indoor temperature, you could always look over at Ska wearing his coat and scarf. Well done, sir.

Moving on to 2014: WND participation The Wednesday Night Syndicate has decided that there are too many bars that we have not attended in the Greater Trenton Area resulting in a decision to try to attend them on the usual Wednesdays. An NCAA basketball bracket-like list of bars has been created, and the tournament is on. The Chimp will be gauging interest so you can let it be known if you want to be informed of the location of WND (an e-mail reply here or a note to Tajny Komitet will also suffice). WND could be at a bar near you.

CLICK ME FOR POINTS TOTAL

TDDoC 2013: Day 11 Stats by Eman

For starters, I’d just like to ask if anyone knows why I wake up every morning with a stack of $1 bills next to my wallet. Do I have some secret adult dancing gig that I go to every night after the TDDoC, and I just don’t remember? Have I been knocking off the lady at the Salvation Army stand every night on the way home? Please help solve this mystery.

Houli’s? Who picked this place anyway? What an awful idea…..near the mall, with horrible traffic on route 1, really hard to find a parking spot. This is going to be miserable. Well, these at least were the thoughts in my head as I drove towards Houli’s. I found I was somewhat relishing the idea of having to suffer through this misery. As you have likely found out at family gatherings, old men seem to really like having something to complain about like that pain in your back, the price of a loaf of bread, or “kids these days”. As I drive up Route 1 finding very little traffic, and then pull into one of many parking spots near the front door of Houli’s, I find myself deeply disappointed that I encounter none of the envisioned trouble. What the heck? This is a huge bummer. My dreams of complaining about all of the logistical hassle have been shattered. This shouldn’t be easy….we should have to work for this!! Now all I have left to complain about is that there was no hassle.

I enter Houli’s, and am quickly reminded that there is something to complain about! The bartenders at Houli’s all wear shirts with a different action word on the back. In particular, tonight’s subject has the word “quench” on his back. Well, given the highly ornate font, I think that’s what it says. Maybe it is “clench” or “wench”. Regardless, what the #* is that all about? Is this some sort of seven dwarfs nomenclature? If so, shouldn’t his name be “Quenchy”? Quench feigns friendliness upon taking my initial order, but I can tell in his eyes that he knows I’m thinking to myself “Quench…what the #* is that all about?”. As the night continues on, I find that the Quenchman is very efficient at taking your empty glass when you are not looking, but not nearly as efficient at refilling that glass. He must get pay bonuses based upon frequency of glasses entering the dishwasher.

Benny rolls in with a dejected look on his face. He describes the disappointment of how easy it was to get to Houli’s,

when he was looking forward to being miserable. See, I told you! Benny is eagerly looking forward to a long drive down to Atlantic City after tonight’s festivities. He can hardly hide the glee in his eyes, and I think he might have even jumped up and kicked his heels together once. As I write this, Benny is probably enjoying a delicious breakfast feast while hanging with Donald Trump and Celine Dion.

Uji is in the house, making his first night of the year. Yo is there, too, and now it’s apparent that only an act of mother nature can keep him from a purple moose. Ditto for Reese, but then again, Reese is the Cal Ripken of the TDDoC (consecutive game streak, playing through pain and injury), so no surprise there. Pods indicates that Friday night’s Day Ten hangover just wore off about 15 minutes ago.

Russ reports having seen the new movie Saving Mr. Banks or Licking Mr. Pickle or whatever it is called. It’s that one with Tom Hanks, unlike all of those other movies with Tom Hanks. We discuss how Tom Hanks is the token white guy in so many films. When you need an old white guy, it’s Hanks. Seriously, do any other older white male actors even get roles anymore?

Speaking of pickles, Su presents the Emans with a pickle ornament. Apparently there is a tradition that dates from Germany, where one hides a pickle ornament on the Christmas tree, and the one who finds it gets a reward or other good fortune. If you look the tradition up on Urban Dictionary, you might find that the reward you get is not quite to your liking. However, let’s assume for a moment that it’s a desirable award. When I first heard of this tradition, I thought they were referring to an actual pickle, and tried to picture the delightful combination of evergreen and vinegar mixing together as the family gathered around the tree for Christmas carols. Anyway, no. The pickle is an ornament, and Tamps found it very interesting and looked at it closely. Yes, Tamps was touching my pickle. Note, this is not to be confused with hiding a pickle as defined in Urban Dictionary.

And now a word from the next generation of TDDoC:
I would first like to announce I brought out my girlfriend Annie for all those who did not meet her. This means that i have thoroughly invested in the future of the TDDoC, and it may be continued through me and Julian long after ya'll are hospitalized for liver damage. I arrived at the scene and it seemed like a good crowd was at the bar. I won't name any names because I have no clue who was there. Being the hungry teenager that I am, Annie and I quickly scuttled over to the family section with Su and the kids to order some food. Corey was also out and was using his magical ability to order alcoholic drinks. I hear there’s this thing called "21", but I blame the drinking fairies for not bestowing me with this power. Maybe Santa will pull through with this one -- my fingers are crossed.

Conversation quickly turned to how Gman only has one kidney. Interestingly enough, this led me to learn a valuable lesson. This is where I learned the true meaning of having kids. Kids are not there for enjoyment, love, slavery, or for telling their teacher that all their dad does is watch football and attend the Twelve Drinking Days of Christmas. Kids are there for spare parts. Corey is currently first in line to donate Gman one of his kidneys if his fails. Corey does not want to participate, but in the words of the Uni-kidney**, "You have to sleep at some point." Some sort of bathtub kidney removal will then take place, and Corey may never even notice the scar. Julian and Andrew may also want to start running now before Uni-kidney needs any of their bodily organs. I might have to run with them.

After Gman and family leave, we finish up and head over to the other side of the bar where only a few seasoned drinkers remain. Between Goettle, Eman, Ska, Tamps, Pods, and Russ, in their lifetime they have probably consumed an amount of alcohol that would fill the Pacific. But these are the men I look up to, and I respect their unique skills. Someone quickly notices I have not surpassed Goettle in height, even with my tall, poofy hair that could put the '80s to shame. We quickly find each other back to back with the others looking at how clearly Goettle has me beat. Or that’s how it may have seemed. We were actually saying goodbye the same way the ancient Babylonians would ceremoniously do, by touching their butts together to bid a safe farewell. So farewell to my biggest supporter, Mr. Peter Goettle, who pushed me night after night to write stats eventually. Until I see him the next day.

And now back to the old guy:
Once the crowd starts to thin, the remaining party leftovers decide it’s time to take this show on the road. Joe’s Crab Shack is a popular suggestion for where but cooler heads prevail. It’s off to The Blend in Hamilton, a place beloved by Goettle, who in the past has described it lovingly as “$ucking” (said without much conviction). Russ, Tamps, Ska, Goettle, and Eman make the trip. Several of us order the Southern Tier 2Xmas -- a fine choice. The Blend seems to be slightly more to the liking of some (Russ and I secretly love it there), and this may be because unlike last time there is no awful singer belting out “Hotel California” on some sort of keyboard karaoke device. It seems that most patrons are in their 20’s, which is clearly why some hated it last time. Suddenly, in rolls a potential future generation TDDoCer, Russ’s son Ryan. Russ jogs over to greet his son and his friends, who smile but quickly encourage Russ to beat it before the rest of the twenty-somethings see them talking to these dinosaurs. Dang, another dead end on the future TDDoC trail. It’s one and out at The Blend, and before I know it I’m home slapping down a stack of $1 bills next to my wallet for some unknown reason.

Editor's Note: The utility of this has expired but included for completeness:
Day 12 is at Wildflowers. The secret password to get in is “picklehider” said with a Russian accent. This lovely converted Orange Julius is a Christmas eve favorite for elf $ex offenders, human Christmas trees, and people who are missing some of their bodily organs. It features pizza math contests, the breaking of the wall sconce tradition, and “who didn’t pay enough for the pizza?!?!” debate clubs.